Relationships Articles

While many men seem to enjoy spending endless periods at the dating stage, this is a situation that causes a lot of frustration to us women. We would like things to move fast so that we can walk down the aisle with our partners. If you are not yet sure whether you are the only lady in your man’s life, you will go through life very apprehensively.

However, once you have determined that this is the man for you, with whom you are ready to spend the rest of your life, you should not just sit around as you wait for him to propose not knowing whether that moment will really come.

You can take charge of your relationship by doing some things that will influence him to crave being committed to you alone. The most effective measures are the discreet ones.

Take a step backwards

If you are too involved in your relationship with your boyfriend, you are actually doing more harm than good. This is due to the fact that you will make him feel very comfortable as is sure that you won’t leave him no matter how long he takes before committing.

The best way to shake him back to his senses is to pull back a bit in order to remove the state of comfort he is in. A man who truly cares about you will not relax when he is faced with the threat of losing you. It is this that will arouse him to action, and he will decide to commit himself to you.

Just get more involved in other matters of personal interest with you without offering any excuses.

Watch what you say

During your discussions, take great care with what you say and how you say them. For instance, if you have to about something that deals with the future, stop framing your statements in a way that indicates you two will be together.

Talk more in singular terms, simply referring yourself and you will get the attention of your guy. When the man notices that your future does not include him, he will take measures to ensure that he gets a more firm hold of that future.

When you are in a relationship that seems to stall at the dating stage, you should not wear yourself out with worries. Take control by doing things that will influence your man to commit to you only.

Remember that actions speak louder than words. So take actions that will make him think of committing on his own and you will get him.

Relationship compatibility questions are one of the most important questions couples need to ask when they are considering establishing a committed relationship.

Before proceeding, let us look at what compatible means. It means being able to exist together without conflict.

It means for two people to be able to have an harmonious relationship, that they are well suited, like-minded, well matched, and consistent with each other.

This is very significant because when people are thinking about a lifetime commitment to each other, these relationship connecting questions are crucial.

They are most likely the determining factors of the relationship predictions between a couple.

If the relationship compatibility questions have not been sorted out, it is not difficult to tell in advance that couples will have relationship issues that are to be expected. It could be helpful at an early stage for couples to do their own relationship compatibility quiz to see how they score in the compatibility relationship test.

In the early stages of a relationship, it is not uncommon for couples to be susceptible to faulty reasoning processes. They are so influenced by the exhilarating effect of ‘being in love.’ Their lack of original thought leads to the overused opinion that ‘love conquers all.’

It is not infrequent for them to follow this path, and the relationship compatibility questions rise to the surface, after they have married.

When this happens, there are various outcomes that are possible. One of these is that couples decide to look at ways to end relationships at an early stage, such as very soon after they get married.

They do this rather than let their lack of compatibility get in the way, if they were to continue on with the relationship.

We sometimes see this happening with couples who have had elaborate weddings, and it seems only a short time later, they are separating. There have been several celebrity relationships where this has occurred.

Other outcomes are, the relationship compatibility questions rise to the surface as time goes by, and there are lots of relationship issues that couples have to deal with.

Some think they have to stay together, no matter what, now they are married. This leads to being very unhappy for a long time.

Others can simply drift, and put up with the relationship compatibility questions, without thinking about their options.

Staying in such a situation is a big price to pay, as life is too short. We only get one shot at it. This is the real thing. It is not a dress rehearsal.

An example of a relationship compatibility question is where a couple have very different belief systems. One may be a devout christian, or a fundamentalist, and the other is an atheist.

Their approach to life would be very different, making it very difficult for them to connect, and affect their level of intimacy and communication.

The same can be said of people who have different political affiliations. It is difficult to imagine how they could relate to each other at a deep level, leading to relationship communication problems.

I am aware of several people, where there are these relationship compatibility questions, who have been married for a long time. I know they are not really happy, but they stay together, virtually leading separate lives.

There seems too much at stake to make the decision to separate, so they compromise and lead unfulfilled lives. The older I get, I am conscious of what a sacrifice they make, as life is so short.

Sometimes, people with different attitudes end up being in a relationship. One is an optimist, the other is a pessimist. Often they are not even aware there is such a difference between them. It can be obvious to others who know them.

These are just some examples of the relationship compatibility questions couples need to think about seriously before becoming involved in a committed relationship.

Do you sometimes feel that you are the only one who is really committed to your relationship? If so, you are certainly not the only woman who feels that way. You’d like to know where you really stand with him, but have no idea what it will take to make him commit to you. Keep reading to learn how to give him a gentle push in that direction.

Keep busy with other things

You probably had a rich, full life before you met “Mr. Non-Commitment,” so you should continue with activities that don’t include him. Make arrangements to do things with your family and friends; plan weekend getaways with friends; spend time focusing on your career or classes or hobbies - in other words, keep yourself so busy that he is not always the central figure in your life.

Don’t always be available to him

If you are leading a busy, satisfying life without him, it will be a simple matter to truthfully say you have other plans when he calls on impulse. If you are always available to him on a moment’s notice, he will have no reason to commit to an exclusive relationship.

If you are sometimes unavailable, however, he will begin to wonder where you are and what you are doing without him. Maybe he’ll even begin to think about what he can do to get you to commit to him!

Don’t turn down dates with other men

If he is continuing to see other women after you’ve been dating for a while, there’s really no reason why you can’t date other men. After all, there could be other great men out there that you’re missing out on by exclusively dating him!

When he notices that he is not the only man in your life, he will have to think about what your relationship really means to him. At that point, he may well decide that it’s time to commit to an exclusive relationship with you.

Following this advice will push him in the direction of at least thinking about committing to you. If you want to make him commit, this is the way to go about it.

Many women wonder why their man or ex-man cheated on them. Especially when they put their heart and soul into a relationship just to feel empty and alone in the end. It turn, it makes them ask that infamous question, “What keeps a man faithful?” To answer that question… a man keeps a man faithful.

A very good friend of mine was dating this guy and she was totally dedicated to this man. No matter what she decided, she put him and his feelings first; her life revolved around him. She was always considerate and treated him like a king. She gave her all and expected the same in return. In the end, she got nothing in return but a broken heart and a massive headache. Not only did he cheat on her with another woman, he cheated on her with several different women. She called me on the phone and asked “why?” “Why can’t men be faithful?” “What can I do to keep a man faithful? What am I doing wrong?” The biggest mistake a woman can make is to blame herself when her man goes astray.

Physiologically, she starts to feel that it was her fault and thinks of things that she feel she could’ve done differently. Now, she just justified and accepted the error in his ways. To put it bluntly, no matter how good a woman is to a man, no matter how well she takes care of a man, a man is still going to do what a man is going to do.

Only a man can keep a man faithful, not a woman and her ways. A man must posses certain traits to be faithful. But, before he can ever be concerned with these traits, he must respect a woman and then respect himself. A man must have integrity, loyalty, and courage. Not only must he posses these traits, but he must also apply these traits as well. A man with integrity is a truthful man. First, he knows he must be truthful to himself before he can be truthful to anyone else. He will be truthful in ways of relationships and he knows what he wants out of a relationship and what he’s willing to give. If a man is unsure, one should allow him his space so he can seek integrity and learn truth.

A man with loyalty is a man who is faithful. He will stick by his woman’s side through thick and thin; he is committed to the relationship until end. He will never forsake her in any way. No matter how bad it gets, he will never go astray. If a man is without loyalty, one should allow him his space so he can become faithful and develop loyalty.

Most importantly, a man with courage is a man who has it all. Courage takes a male from boyhood to manhood and gives him manliness. A man with courage will apply these traits as well as others in order to make a relationship work. A man without courage is not a man; he is a boy waiting to become a man. One should allow him his space and let him grow and become a man.

Some men just don’t posses these traits. Not to say they never will. They will when and if they want. The same goes for a man who has these traits and more but don’t apply them. When a man posses and apply all of these traits to a relationship, only then will he become faithful. Bottom line… only a man can keep a man faithful.

Many women are faced with a decision of what they should do when it comes to their relationship during time of hardship. They have the person they are in a relationship with, and they have another person who says the right thing and does the right thing at the right time, which makes the grass seem greener on the other side–but is it?

When a woman is in the middle of a bad relationship, married or not, there is often times someone in the wings who is saying what she needs to hear and is willing to do whatever needs to be done in order to make her feel better. Sometimes, it causes her to go astray and explore the grass on the other side. At this point, the grass seems beautiful and this guy appears fairytale perfect. He can do no wrong and is someone who she has been waiting for. He’s caring, compassionate, sensitive, a great lover, and is a good listener. He’s all that she wanted and more. In some cases, she now, is in love with two people.

The woman is now in a complicated situation and is faced with a life altering decision. Does she leave her current relationship and be with her dream man, or does she stay in her current relationship and try to work through the problems?

This leaves you with two different types of women: women who have crossed the fence and women who are thinking about crossing the fence.

Many of the women who have crossed realized that the grass is not always greener on the other side. In many cases, the woman comes up empty on that end as well and realizes that grass was just as dead as the grass that she was already on.

As for the women who are thinking about crossing, there are many reasons why you should not cross. For starters, the other man is no different than the current man you have. Evaluate the situation for a minute. Did the man who you are in a relationship change? If so, ask yourself how. Most men are like that. They will do whatever it takes to get a woman, but not do what it takes to keep a woman.

Furthermore, the outside man controls the table; he has all the cards. Whatever he say to you in this situation, it will sound good to you because you’re not hearing it at home. He’s not saying anything differently than what your current man used to say. The difference is that he is saying it now. And since he does have all the cards, on occasion, he may play the marriage card. To him, it’s safe to play it because he knows that you are already committed to someone else, and the odd chance of you breaking that commitment within a reasonable amount of time and start focusing on him is not likely, especially when there are kids involved. Plus, he knows when to push and how much pressure to apply and he knows when to lay-off and let you gather your thoughts and come back to reality.

By this point, he already knows if you are a keeper or not, so in his mind, you may be expendable and he will say whatever he can to get whatever he wants for as long as he wants. This could last months or even years. Yes, I know a lot of it sounds very convincing and on the rare occasion, it may be true, but for the most part, it isn’t. He may even seem like the one, but at one time, so did the current man in your life. The man on the other side is no different.

And with all of this, it may even appear that he’s waiting on you. He’s living his life, doing what he wants to do and yet, at times, can even make you feel guilty because you think he’s waiting, when he’s not.

It is very easy for his grass to look greener when you are not on it regularly. The more you walk on it, the more brown spots you see. In other words, the grass is greener in the shade, but once the sunlight hits it, it’s just as brown as any other grass.

No matter how convincing it may be, most of the time, it’s not reality. In this situation, the man has the upper hand; he can play whatever card he wants when he wants, and make it look how he wants it to look, especially when he knows that you are only temporary. Before you decide which side of the grass you want to be on, if either, just remember, it’s not always greener on the other side.

The intimacy that I would like to discuss here is the intimacy in human relationships. All which I write here is not based on previously done research about intimacy, nor did I review the “professional literature.” I am simply bringing up my own thoughts on the subject.

Intimacy is first and foremost between a person and his or her self. It is impossible for one to be intimate with another without being able to do so with themselves, and moreover, only after one is intimate with oneself can he or she remove their mask in front of others.

Thus intimacy is directly related to revealing oneself. And revealing oneself creates the potential for a situation of “hurt“: a situation in which my subject of intimacy is made aware of my weaknesses, aware and able to hurt me, but yet I trust that they won’t.

This is the reason that intimacy is usually connected to fondness, love, and acceptance by another and the belief that they will accept me.

The belief that I give my intimate other originates in the fact that I know that he or she loves me and won’t hurt me, that I believe in them, and at the same time I also believe in myself, that I have a significant amount of self-confidence and self-acceptance so that I am not afraid to be who I really am.

Thus intimacy is linked to:

• Fondness/love/acceptance
• Empathy
• Mutual trust
• Self-confidence/ self-adulation
• Clear self identity
• Self-acceptance

Without these, intimacy can never be achieved.

 

Intimacy comes in stages. It is not black or white.

 

One can have up and downs on the intimacy levels with the same person, exactly as with being closer or farther from someone physically. There can be intimacy that was created magically at a specific time and space, which ends the instant we leave this particular place. Who hasn’t experienced a “magical evening,” in which you are with your significant other or with another couple, and it appears that you either have known them for years, or you just met them, but on that specific evening, whether you met on a beautiful beach or you shared the same physical space (the same car, for example) for a few hours, and you shared things about yourselves, your histories, your dreams, your fears… This can be a one-time intimacy. You might never meet again - but the intimacy was indeed there.

 

Extramarital affairs might also; while they are together, they not only engage in sexual relations but also share an intimacy that is only in this place and at this time. And maybe also in their secretive telephone calls, but it disappears as soon as they leave their little bubble and return to their normal lives.

 

Intimate relationships can be viewed as a bubble - a protective space - unique, separate from all others, in which there is an agreement that in this harmony and this space, there is a special connection, a connection which separates us from the rest of the world. This is an exclusive place, a place that is unmatched, without a replacement. And it exists only in this bubble.

 

Just as there is a one-time intimacy so too is there an ongoing intimacy. Just as there exists intimacy between strangers in chance encounters, there exists long-term intimacy between friends or relatives. There is intimacy between those physically close to each other and there is intimacy between people far from each other, which takes place through the telephone or an Internet connection. There is even the intimacy that Tevye, the poor milkman, shares with God…

 

Intimacy is a very complex phenomenon, dependent on many factors. It is elusive, ever-changing, and never static. It blooms and wilts… and thus it is a paradox. Although intimacy is based on confidence and belief, there is never absolute security in intimacy. And we must live with that. And thus it is also very scary: we can never be sure that this particular intimacy will last forever.

 

One of the childhood experiences that everybody goes through is the disintegration of intimacy. The first example of intimacy, which occurs between us and our parents, inevitably disappears. The intimacy with a best friend is also such a thing, which can disintegrate or be “betrayed” at some point or another. This feeling of abandonment or betrayal is built into our dealing with personal relationships from our time as children, and as we develop into adults. There is no avoiding these experiences. And no matter how this experience manifests itself, we will always experience it as a betrayal, as pain. Something “dies,” lost forever and will never return, and it hurts.

 

And then we continue our lives, promising ourselves that it will never happen again, that we will never let another hurt us. But it is inevitable that soon enough will again involve ourselves in an intimate relationship, mostly as a result of our need for closeness, warmth, acceptance, support, love. And the odds are just as strong that time and time again, throughout our dynamic and ever-changing lives, we will continue to experience this feeling of lost or betrayal of intimacy.

 

A few will decide that they can no longer handle the pain and will totally give up intimacy with others. They will close the door and not let anybody enter their emotional world, their secrets. They will never again expose themselves to someone so as not to expose themselves to pain. And there are others that will close themselves only to members of the opposite sex, but will succeed in having intimate relationships with a good friend. Just as there are different levels of intimacy, there are also different levels of detachment, different levels of keeping oneself at a secure distance from the potentiality of pain. 

 

The women in “Sex in the City” are a good example of intimacy between friends. They involve each other and expose each other. They trust one another, they are familiar with each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and they believe in and love each other. Fear does not exist between them. No fear of abandonment, no fear of telling the truth to one another, and no fear from their opinions of each other. At the same time, none of them is able to manage an intimate relationship with a man. Thus even though they have an extremely advanced level of intimacy amongst themselves, they have a “fear of intimacy” with men. Thus, when there occurs a meeting of the sexes, the women have no confidence, no trust and no ability to reveal their true selves. When they are in the company of men a paradigm of each of them surfaces, a feeling of certainty that no matter what happens, eventually I will be hurt or be abandoned, or the other way around. The basic building blocks of trust simply do not exist. 

 

Another type of the fear of intimacy in relationships that could also be true for some of the girls from “Sex in the City”, demands a different approach. This type hopelessly tries to find the one that they can share an intimate connection with, a twin-soul, and even when they do find one, as the relationship continues and becomes stronger and the intimacy deepens, one of the two “ruin” it in a seemingly very surprising manner. 

Why does this Occur? 

Fear of ‘Couplehood’ - There are people who are very successful, possess a lot of self-confidence, who are not worried about being abandoned or hurt. Their fear is completely different, a “Fear from Self Suicide”

Why? Because this person believes that the perfect relationship, the one which he or she seeks, is Symbiotic perfect harmony, union, being one, oneness. It is the finding of their “other halves,” true love. And he/she is looking only for this type of relationship, for the perfect harmony of love with their soul mate, to remove the defenses, without masks, to be exposed and honest, to be one.

When it seems that this fantasy is about to come true - “here is the love of my life, that other person which I will unite with” - the evil twin of the fear of abandonment is awakened. The loss of my independence, what makes me unique, the loss of me, the loss of my own identity, my unique, my independence, myself. And as the intimacy grows, this fear grows with it - he or she must keep the borders so that they won’t dissolve - here he or she must stop the process and split up. And this is a never-ending cycle

 

Intimacy is ability.

It is the ability to share.

It is the ability to accept, to be sympathetic, to be empathetic.

To accept another as complete, to love them, to understand them, to respect them besides and as a result of the close acquaintance with them, beside and as a result of their weaknesses.

One will not expose themselves to a person who accepts them conditionally, on a limited basis, only on a condition that they meet his or her expectations. 

The ability to be intimate is tied to the emotional intelligence of those individuals involved. Emotional management, keeping things in proportion, seeing things through the eyes of another - these are the qualifications without which one cannot achieve intimacy.

Where there are anger attacks and a loss of control - no intimacy can take place. One cannot trust someone who can’t control their feelings!

Where there is no respect - no intimacy can take place.

Where there is criticism - no intimacy can take place.

Where there is a need to be cautious and “walk a tightrope” - no intimacy can take place.

Where there is an egocentric person who is unable to a self-reflection - no intimacy can take place.

 

Intimacy is not just a close spiritual connection, or just a familiarity with one’s personal history, it can also include physical understanding, small instances of contact, a simple, meaningful eye contact in which only those two sides understand. It is to laugh from the same jokes, to complete one another’s sentences, to use expressions whose meanings are only recognizable between those two. It is cutting another’s nails, cleaning the dirt off another, wearing another’s slippers. It is picking a fresh fruit and eating it together, using each other’s hands, outside, leaning over, all the while the juice dripping down your chin. It is taking an evening stroll together, knowing how the other likes to take his or her coffee, knowing their routines, eating from the same plate, sitting together in a comfortable silence, caressing one another’s feet, being silly, doing stupid things, saying “I love you”.

 

 

And thus is my take on intimacy, on its expressions, attempting to explain it, giving this phrase meaning, and realizing, as I progress in my understanding and explanations, that behind it all, or above it all, intimacy is energy. And this is exactly why it is such a difficult phenomenon to grasp: the only way to understand it is to experience it, while at the same time it is not necessarily physical. It’s a feeling, an experience, an instinct. It is the energy of “unity”, of “together,” of “love.” 

It can be confusing trying to figure out what a man wants. You meet a great guy and there’s an attraction but you don’t quite know if he’s really into you. He will not date you if he’s not attracted to you and he will not commit if he’s not in love. Moving from attraction to attachment is tricky. But it is easy to navigate your way into his heart when you learn a few things about what causes a man to be drawn to a woman.

You have to have a BIG life…you have to be into *your* life. Men do not want mediocre women. They want excellent women. A man wants a woman who can add to his life in a richer, bigger, more meaningful way. Too many women think that if they go off and do something great with their lives, a man will not feel needed or want them as much. Quite the contrary.

You cannot draw a man will a small mindset. Neither can you get a commitment if you are not exuding the qualities that will cause him to think of you as more than a girlfriend from now. I can guarantee that a quality man will be floored if he knows that you are following your dreams. It communicates to him that you are an ASSET not a liability. The more credit you can build in your personal life, the more it will enhance your life and relationships. Think building your assets and you will have a man hooked.

Is there anything a woman can do about getting a guy to commit if he says he’s just not ready? There is. Many men tell the woman they are dating that they are commitment phobic or that they are unsure about taking things to the next level. If you’re involved with a man like this you know that it’s both frustrating and disappointing. When you’re at a place where you’re ready to start planning for the future and he’s still stuck in boyfriend, girlfriend mode, it’s a challenge. With the right knowledge and insight any woman can do things that will silently trigger a response in her boyfriend that makes him want to get more serious in the relationship.

If you want to get your boyfriend serious about you there’s one thing you absolutely must do. You have to stop talking or hinting at a commitment. Many men pull back when they feel they are being pressured into a more serious relationship if they’re not ready for it. When you are focused on getting a guy to commit it seems as though the way to do that is to ensure he knows by telling him repeatedly. If you’re guilty of this you need to stop it today. Drop all talk of taking things to the next level.

You should take it a step further and actually pull back just a bit if you want to get your boyfriend more serious. You can’t be obvious about this because it will backfire on you if you do and he’ll realize that you’re using it as a ploy for getting him to commit. Instead become busy sometimes when he wants to get together. Start making important decisions without consulting him. It may feel underhanded and like a game but it’s the best way to trigger the response you want in him. If he senses, even just a bit, that he’s losing you, he’ll do everything he can to keep you, including becoming more serious about the relationship.

When we analyze our relationships and how we feel about them we may find that we are either less than thrilled with the way things are or we are ecstatic about how things are going. The difference may hinge on several things, one of which is the commitment we feel toward our relationship.

How Does Commitment Develop?

Let’s face it; some of us are serious minded individuals. Even from the start we may immediately feel a sense of commitment to a new friend or relationship. This may be due to our upbringing or it could be because we really want commitment in return for our own efforts.

Some people have a difficult time opening up to other individuals. When such a person is involved in a relationship problems can result. The partner may feel a lack of commitment exists when in reality it does not. The partner that has difficulty sharing information may simply have trust issues that have resulted from unpleasant past experiences.

Time, patience and understanding will be keys to learning about your partner and what may be impacting on his or her behaviors. Lack of commitment is often related to a fear of being hurt.

Before going any further I should say that commitment and loyalty are not always the same thing. For example, you may be dedicated to making a relationship last but you may not plan to be faithful.

I know that sounds like the two cannot work together but in reality many people have relationships or affairs outside their marriage or partnership. Although they may indeed intend to maintain the primary relationship few would consider them to be loyal or faithful partners.

Friendship First

As usual I will again stress that every relationship should be built on a solid foundation of friendship. That will ensure that each partner learns about the other and that there is an element of respect, understanding, and trust. Relationships must be strong enough to endure all that life will through at it, the foundation built of friendship will be a solid platform to draw the required strength from.

Because you learn about your friend before the romance develops you will have a better understanding of his or her behaviors. In other words this is taking a proactive approach to building a great relationship. During you early relationship you should gain an understanding of the level of commitment your partner is willing to give and what he or she expects from you.

These conversations allow you the opportunity to determine if this person has the same thoughts and ideas related to issues that are important to you. At the same time that you are learning about your partner you will be building bonds that will likely help to develop a stronger commitment. It’s a win-win situation!

Do you find yourself getting cold feet at some point after starting a new relationship? Do you know why? Do want to know how to free yourself of this limiting and frustrating scenario? If so then read on.

When it comes to relationships the fear of commitment is a familiar yet poorly understood entity.

Did you know that it can be due to many underlying factors such as:

1. The fear of intimacy.

2. The fear of feeling too dependent on your partner.

3. The fear of being exploited.

4. The fear of being rejected.

5. The fear of re-experiencing old painful feelings of a parental separation, divorce or loss.

6. Feelings of inadequacy.

7. Feelings of shyness.

8. The fear of fully opening yourself up to your own feelings.

9. The fear of being lied to.

And so on.

Did you also know that many individuals believe that such factors actually keep them feeling safe and secure by preventing them from venturing forward into uncharted relationship waters. Is that however true?

For instance, let’s look at the fear of rejection as a case in point. When you’re caught in this fear do you actually feel safe or secure? Hardly!

Instead you likely feel very insecure, anxious, vulnerable, and like wanting to run away!

If you see that, then if you wish kindly place one hand over your Heart and simply affirm to your self that you see that.

You may feel strangely more empowered now. If you like that experience then also affirm that to yourself and it and you will only grow stronger.

All of these negative factors actually have the potential to keep you very much alone and feeling unfulfilled, correct? If you see that affirm that to yourself.

So are we all born with these negative factors inside of us? No.

They get programmed into you as you grow up and experience negative events that are subsequently stored inside of you as negative memories. These memories have associated with them the old painful feelings which they generate regularly as long as the memory resides inside you.

The only real way to free yourself of those negative feelings/factors is to erase the memories that generate them.

If you’d like to learn more about ending the fear of commitment completely through the process of erasing memories kindly visit the web link below where you can also request a free consultation.