Relationships Articles

It doesn’t matter why men don’t want to commit. In this article we are going to explore ways to get a man to commit within six months regardless of the reasons that they may think they have for not doing so.

Women tend to be afraid to back off from a man. We sometimes think, “If I back off too far someone else will grab him.” The first thing you need to understand is that NOBODY can take something from you that is really yours. If, by backing off, your man dumps you for another woman he was never yours to begin with.

Let’s say you have found your dream man. You have been seeing him on the weekends for months, you have even met some of his friends and they are beginning to see you as a couple. Now you want to move the relationship to the next level. How do you do that?

It all comes down to understanding the basic nature of the beast called “man.” Men are basically hunters. They like the sport of hunting women. What you need to know is that no hunter wants an animal that stands in front of him and says to him “Shoot Me.” It is all about the hunt. It’s all about telling his friends the story of all the ways he finally got the “deer.” It’s all about the admiration in his friends eyes when they see what he has “bagged.” Understanding this gives you an advantage to thinking as a man thinks.

The first thing you want to do is BACK OFF. You have to create an illusion of being slightly unavailable. Psychology has shown that when we back off the other person comes closer. It’s called the “rubber band” technique. When you begin to pull the rubber band in one direction the other part snaps back towards you. If women only understood this they would learn to quit running after men. Calling him constantly, being always available is not going to move you any closer to the commitment that you want.

Women feel lovingly towards men as they spend time with them. Men are wired differently. Men need to have time away from a woman to think about her and to miss her. If you really want commitment you have to be willing to risk putting space between you and your man. This gives him time to think about you and wonder what you are up to. It makes him want to “hunt” you down. He loves the game. Without the chase there is no excitement. If you are constantly calling him and dropping by his home he may start to find you boring. He may not turn you down, but his eyes are going to wander to those women in the office whom he can’t quite figure out.

Let’s say by reading this article you are thinking “Wow, I have already blown it with this man.” Quite the contrary, if you start today to be more illusive it will have an even greater impact on the relationship. Tell yourself that starting today you are going to give yourself a six months time period to get your man to commitment. If within the next six months this man does not move closer to commitment tell yourself that you are worth more than this and you will commit to yourself to move on.

1. Starting today do not call him first anymore. You will wait until you hear from him. If it takes sitting on your hands to keep from doing that then sit on your hands. When the urge to call him comes to you find something else to do. Find a game you enjoy online and download it to your computer. Instead of calling him lose yourself in the game. Take a walk. Enroll in a class. Walk around the mall and window shop. Make yourself your top priority and not him. What this will do is force him to wonder if you are losing interest in him. His hunting instincts will come out and he will want to find out what is going on differently with you.

2. The next weekend instead of going to his place or having him at your place, you tell him that you have decided to take some time off and get back to your center. Go visit your mother or one of your friends for the weekend. While you are there quit thinking of him compulsively and make a game over staying in the moment. Really enjoy each moment. This not only makes you more of an interesting person when you share your weekend adventures with him, it makes him wonder what you are REALLY up to.

3. Take a trip to a day spa. Spend time getting yourself feminine and gorgeous and then, instead of running over to show him the new you, go out on the town with your girlfriends. In his mind he will wonder if you have someone new that you want to impress. Thinking that someone else might steal you from him will drive him crazy. Nothing motivates a man like competition does, real or imaginary.

4. Next you will want to start to keep him guessing. In order to do that you will come back to your old routine for a week. Now you will call him, drop by, ECT. Once he gets used to all the attention from you again he will miss it even more when you go back to not doing these things the next week. In this case confusion is your friend as it adds to the mystery of “you” and keeps him guessing.

5. Make friends with his mother. Start to invite her out to lunch. Find out when her birthday is and send her a card. Any man who is good to his mother will be good to you. If he is not friends with his mother he may not be husband material. By finding out “who” she is you can find out a lot about the man. In any case by being kind and attentive to her she will want to see you in his life PERMANENTLY.

6. Do not mention marriage, your biological time clock, or anything that will make him feel you are desperate for commitment. You want to do just the opposite. Make him feel as if you are a treasure waiting for the right man. You have plenty of time. Turn the tables on him and act as if you are having too much fun to commit to just ONE man.

7. If he asks “what’s up with you lately?” smile sweetly and reply, “I am not sure I know what you mean.” Keep him guessing. Keep your mouth shut and let him wonder. Nothing pushes a man further from you then getting emotional and spilling your guts out to him. You want to appear to be a strong woman capable of scripting your own life.

Within six months of the “new you” your man should be at the point of wanting total commitment. He will have decided that you are too good of a catch to let go and he will never want to let you, this fascinating new woman, out of his life. It’s not easy to implement these changes and at first it’s going to feel uncomfortable to you. It may feel like writing with your left hand when you are right handed. If you are strong enough to implement this plan, knowing that there is gold at the end of the rainbow, you will be on your way to having him all to yourself FOREVER.

Written by Arya Marafie for Diamond Lounge, the new professionals dating [http://www.diamondlounge.com/dating-pages/professionals-dating.php] site. Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Arya_Marafie

Are you a person who has problems dealing with phobia? If your answer is like, “Come on, she is the one who always have the problems. I have absolutely no issues about commitment.”

Are you sure? Think again. The reason why people are usually so afraid of commitment is because that they are unable to lead their regular lifestyles! Are you prohibiting her from living her regular lifestyle? Sometimes, it is good to review your wooing techniques. Are you too aggressive? Are you too self-centered? Or are you simply too possessive?

Don’t assume quickly that these qualities can be derived after the woman has dived into the relationship. Most of the time, women decipher your characteristics before they decide they want to enter the relationship.

“Hey, but some women complain that their boyfriends are possessive after they enter the relationship!”

I agree absolutely. But, there is something that you have forgotten. Usually, guys act like gentlemen before they enter a relationship as well! Basically, it is quite hard to be comfortable with someone you fancy.

So, don’t lie to yourself. Don’t act who you are not. If you don’t have deep feelings, it is wise for you to consider moving on in your life. Otherwise, when she maintains status quo after a few months of courtship, it is time to change your dating habits and traits.

No one said that a major change in your habits is going to be easy. Therefore, you should always start with taking tiny steps to fulfill your goal of finding a cute girl. There are really no shortcuts. Just take things as they go along and don’t force your own ideals on others.

When men discover that they cannot get the women they love, they blame that it is because of their looks, all types of external factors and everyone else. In fact, the trick about dating is just about the techniques. If you are looking to save your marriage, increase your dating opportunities or enjoy better sex, click on the links to learn more about Dating Tips and Dating Advice! Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Janice_Hilton_Freeman

As an on line psychic, I speak to many people. The majority are females. The questions they asked me are usually about relationships. At least 75% ask me about men that are either involved with someone else or married.

I wonder what part of “Thou Shall Not Covet” don’t they understand. They do not want to hear it is wrong to try and break up a relationship whose vows were pledged before God. They do not want to hear anyone in a committed relationship is off limits. They are not interested if this affair will adversely affect any children born of the union they are trying to break up. They just do not want to hear. Most of these women are religious and go to church. Maybe they slept through the part of what is wrong in the eyes of God.

The men are no better. “My wife does not understand me” is a crock. The lines these guys say are strictly to solicit sympathy from the women they are interested in bedding. After a few months or so of this illicit affair, the men will usually pull something such as, “I can’t get a divorce because -

a) of the children

b) the financial arrangement of a divorce will be too much

The women might answer - I will give you the money for the divorce, or, I will help you pay the child support. In other words, these women are trying to buy this ‘perfect union with their soul mate’.

We have all heard the expression ‘men are hunters, women are gatherers’. This does not mean men are to hunt as many women as possible. Women are not to nest with someone already involved with another person.

No relationship will be perfect in every respect. A prince will not come and whisk someone to a perfect life in a castle in the sky. The castle still has cleaning and cooking and washing and raising children. This does not mean the prince can go and look for another because his princess is now involved with the children more so than with him. This definitely does not mean another woman can expect an involved male to whisk her to another castle.

This is a wake up call to any and all to whom it applies. We all are supposed to have more than one soul mate in this life time. We will have a choice of which to be with. Find the one not committed to another person. DonÂ’t make the excuse of - I deserve to be happy also.

One more point I wish to make. Any man that will leave his wife and children for another woman, will usually ultimately leave her also when he finds another woman who does not care about breaking up a relationship. It is then I hear - how can he do this to me? The pattern was established when he left a committed relationship for you. DonÂ’t expect him to be faithful now.

athena_louise

[http://www.athenalouise.com] Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Athena_Louise

The state of the economy is dire. The news on television is depressing. There are financial failures, wars, rumors of wars, record freezing temperatures, and so on. Bad times are here! In the midst of all this bad, what really matters? Many have committed their lives to growing wealth and have went out and found the best investors that money can buy, only to find out that they were being scammed. People are losing their entire life savings, because someone else’s greed overpowered their ability to be honest. So what really matters?

I faced this question during some really tough financial times in my past. I was out of job and did not have any answers. I did not have much in education at the time and the most I could do at the time was build computers. But this was right after the Dot.com bubble burst after Y2K. So many computer companies were not hiring. It was during that time that my lovely wife said something that inspired me to succeed in life. What she said changed my life forever. What she said gave me all the confidence I needed to pick my head up and tackle the world. I was going to come out a winner no matter what the odds were, that were against me. I may have only had a high school diploma, some years of ARMY experience and limited knowledge of technology, but those facts could not limit me any longer. Not after what she said to me.

She simply said, “baby, no matter if we lose our house and we have to live in a car, I am with you.”

That is what really matters. You see, it is not necessarily the words that I heard, but the heart that I saw that spoke those words. Anybody can tell you something like that, but do they mean it? Look at the people who are closely related to you. Are their hearts loyal to you? Are they willing to suffer with you? I have heard of more divorces during these economic hard times than ever before. The reason is that people have been committed to wealth and riches, instead of to each other.

Regardless of your financial standing, you must always put the health of your relationships above anything else, especially married couples. You are a partnership. If that partnership is not built on trust, respect and love, all other things will fail. Relationships with children should not take a backseat to your career. Because  your career is not going to stand under the type of pressure the world is facing right now. Can you say with certainty that your career will never fail? But what should never fail is your children’s view of you.

What really matters, is the loving relationships you have developed. In the end, your world around you may come apart, but that relationship with your loved ones will stand the test. It will hold you up when all other foundations are crumbling around you. That is what really matters.

Copyright © 2009, Mark A. Singh. All rights reserved. Mark A. Singh Founder of Leading In Life Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mark_A._Singh

Puzzled about how to make your man commit to you? Frustrated by the fact that he doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you? Starting to think he’ll never see things your way? If you answered an emphatic “yes” to these questions, you need to read this article. You can make him commit with just a few simple tips.

• Don’t make the commitment mission your sole purpose in life.

• Focus on all of the other things you love about your life, including your friends, family, hobbies, job and future goals - anything other than the relationship.

• Practice using the phrase, “Sorry, I’m unavailable. Maybe another time.” Let him know you aren’t at his beck and call

Before too long he’ll start to realize that he can’t have you any time he wants you. The name of the game is all about making sure he doesn’t become complacent in your relationship.

• Play the field: If he’s not ready to commit, don’t be too eager to, either. Go on dates with other people or, if you aren’t comfortable going that far, at least engage in a little harmless flirtation. Go ahead. Make him a little jealous. It never hurt anyone, and it’s been known to stoke the fires of more than one relationship.

Finally, if you really want to make a man commit, the most important thing to remember is that, well, you can’t. You are going to ultimately have to let him decide for himself how he wants to live his life, but at the very least you can help him see what he would be getting if he did decide to commit to you. Pressing him will not make him take the plunge, it will make him find the closest escape route. If after you’ve tried all of these things and he still wants all of the benefits without the commitment, it may just be time to move on.

If you are looking for a system to make every man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you, click Unforgettable Woman Advice. If you’re ready for a highly effective method that’s different from what every else is teaching, click 77 Secrets to Attract and Keep Him Now. You don’t want to miss this! This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website. Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones

Introduction

The Christian ecclesias of the first century church were administered by local leaders. Paul had the pattern of appointing elders in the churches (Acts 14:23; 20:17). Paul gave leadership responsibility to Timothy at Ephesus and to Titus at Crete. Peter in speaking to elders of the regions of Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia challenged them to be shepherds of God’s flock. In fact, he refers to himself as a fellow-elder and, therefore, a shepherd. He also refers to Christ as the Chief Shepherd (2 Pet. 5:1-4). We see a pattern then in the first century church in which the administering of the local churches was done by elders whose function was to be akin to that of a shepherd.

The word ‘Pastor’ is used once in the New Testament in Ephesians 4:11. In Latin, the word is derived from the word Pastoral is and in French, Pastor. Both words are translated ‘Shepherd’5. The word ‘Pastor’ is therefore imagery of shepherding which should characterize the elders of the local ecclesia.

‘Pastoral’ is an adjectival word which, in the context that it is being considered, bears the following meaning: “relating to the office and work of a minister of religion.” The definition brings out clearly our consideration in this Chapter: We will examine Pastoral calling in relation to its nature - that is, the office, and its task - that is, the work.

The Nature of Pastoral Calling

The office and work of the minister of religion or pastor or shepherd or elder, whatever title may be used to designate the office and work, are unique. Anyone may become a Pastor but not everyone can become a Pastor. Here, we are dealing with a specialized office into which entry is pre-conditioned by the influence of the divine and the human. There is a calling involved.

We often hear people say, in the local church setting in Sierra Leone, “I am called by God to ministry.” A leader of a church which was started with the last five years and whose church is growing rapidly in a quantitative manner describes his calling by God as having occurred through a dream. Another leader went into an area in the West end of Freetown in 1993, took up residence there and began to organize evangelistic outreaches. Within a year, he has won a few people to Christ and has started a church. This same leader was in league with another leader who runs his own private ministry (a church). Through an interview with him, it was found out that he could not pull together with the other leader so he broke away from him to set up his own independent ministry. When asked why he was seeking to establish a church in the new area into which he has moved he replied, “I was called by God.” He made no mention of the rift between him and the other leader which was the motivating factor for him to move off to start his own ministry; nor did he make mention of the conditions which caused him to have sought residence in that new locality and had consequently decided to make there his base for evangelism. Rather, it was just the blanket statement, “I am called by God.”

A third example came out of an interview with the National Superintendent of an evangelical church which has been in Sierra Leone since 1969. He mentioned that his own call was firstly a subjective experience. The work of the ministry seemed worthy to him. He saw the job as noble. Such factors resulted from a strong-sense of God’s call toward the ministry which can only be expressed rather than described. At the time of such a subjective experience he was not only in any employment; yet, he felt a stronger pull in him for involvement in ministry which seemed noble and worthy to him rather than involvement in secular employment.

Secondly, this leader described his call as also an objective experience. The objective has to do with tangible evidences. One of such evidences was the need for manpower in the ministry of that church; thus, circumstances triggered the objective experience. Included in the objective experience was the confirmation of the leaders of the church. The leaders saw the worthiness of this man who had a strong inner drive for involvement in ministry. Over a period of time, and with training, his sense of call was confirmed by the leaders and he became one who fulfilled the need for manpower. In this case, the subjective experience did not stand alone. It found fulfillment and confirmation in the objective.

The following two questions were put to the same leader:

(1) Should one have a sense of call to be involved in ministry? Yes, he replied.

“One must develop a desire or love for the Lord’s work. Just having an inclination is not enough.

(2) What do we mean by call?

“A series of events leading to a climax. Objective occasions connecting and interplaying with the subjective.”

The forgoing three examples are representative of the perceptions which many local church leaders in Sierra Leone have regarding the nature of Pastoral calling. In the first example, it was via the medium of a dream. In the second, it was calling emanating from the person’s availability from subjective feelings finding fulfillment and confirmation in objective realities. We will further analyse these examples of calling and the characteristics of the patterns.

1. Biblical Patterns of Calling

We will cite the following seven examples:

Moses

He received a direct call from God. Here ‘direct’ denotes the physical manifestation of God Himself in the form of flames of fire (Exodus 3:2-4). Moses physically saw the manifestation and he literally heard the voice of God. Moses was called, not so that he would have the privilege of hearing God’s voice in a tangible way, but to receive a commission to the ministry of delivering God’s people from bondage and becoming their shepherd (Pastor).

Samuel

Was Samuel called? If we consider calling in accordance with the manner by which Moses was called, then the answer would be, no. The pattern in Samuel’s case was different. Moses was involved in the secular as against the sacred. He was a shepherd, Samuel, on the other hand, was involved in the sacred as against the secular. On his parent’s choice, not his, he was offered as a boy to the service of God in the Temple. He was put in the situation of the sacred and that automatically conditioned his involvement. This objective experience laid the foundation for the call of God upon Samuel. We read in 1 Samuel 3:7 - “Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord; word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him”. This statement was given in explanation of the lack of discernment of the boy Samuel of the voice of God which came to him three times. In the midst of his involvement in the sacred, the call of God ultimately came to him: “The Lord continued to appear at Shiloh and there he revealed himself to Samuel through his word.” (1 Sam. 3:21). Samuel became a prophet, a priest and a judge (1 Sam.3-19-22; 7:5-9, 15-17).

Jeremiah

Jeremiah was of a priestly house. His father Hilkiah was a priest; thus, Jeremiah was also a priest by lineage. (Jer. 1:1)/ Like Samuel, he was involved in the sacred. He already had the conditioning or objective experience of involvement in the sacred. It was within such a framework that the word of the Lord came to him. He was called or commissioned or set apart for a prophetic ministry to the nation of Israel.

Jesus’ Disciples

Like Moses, they were involved in the secular as against the sacred: fishermen, tax-collector, political activist et cetera. Like Moses, they also received a direct call. The physical presence of Jesus was seen by them. The words of Jesus, “Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men” (Matt. 4:19) was a tangible reality. They were commissioned to the ministry of delivering God’s people from bondage and becoming their shepherd (Matt. 28:19-20; Acts. 1:8).

Paul

Like Samuel and Jeremiah, Paul was already involved in the sacred. He was a Pharisee and had a strong zeal for legalistic righteousness (Phil.3:4-6). He was in the midst of carrying out what he considered to be the defence of God’s cause in Judaism (Acts. 8:1-3; 9:1-2) that he received his call. We recognize here that Paul did not have the kind of objective experience which could have given him the preparation of heart for the calling he received. He stands as an example of a particular kind of call - that is, the call of God which comes through specially designed occasions or circumstances geared towards halting a person’s bitterness and spite against the advancing of the Gospel and transforming that person to become a proclaimer of the Gospel (cf. Acts 26:9-18; 1 Tim. 1:12-14). Paul’s call involved a direct, tangible supernatural act of God to halt Paul’s persecution of Christians, reveal Himself to him and commission him to the ministry of delivering God’s people through bondage and becoming their shepherd.

Timothy

According to the Biblical record, Paul was the last to receive God’s call in a direct sense. The call of Timothy was based on objective experience. He was already a dedicated Christian with exemplary living. Timothy’s life, along with the affirmation of the believers at Lystra and Iconium made him qualify for Paul’s recruitment. It is evident that Paul needed a work force for his expanding enterprise. Thus, the need in the ministry and Timothy’s qualification became the means for his call to ministry. Timothy received his call through Paul. (Cf. Acts 16:1-3; Phil. 2:22).

Elders or Shepherds

The elders or shepherds received their call to ministry in the same manner as Timothy. Additionally, though, we see a specific pattern described for the call of elders (cf. 1 Tim. 3:1-7; Tit. 1:5-9). There was personal desire involved and there was the criteria which would serve as a canon for determining the eligibility of the person. We read the following in 1 Timothy 3:1 - “…If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task.” Here we see the issue of personal desire: “sets his heat on”. Furthermore, Paul describes the desire as one, which is focused on a noble task.

We recognize here that the call to the ministry of the church was directly a call which originated from the individual. It was not imposed. A Christian expressed the desire. An indication is not given regarding the source of the desire which the person expresses. Personal desire was not taken as the sole criterion for acceptance into eldership. Paul outlined the external criteria which should be used to assess those who would be accepted.

Paul and Barnabas planted churches in Lystra, Inconium and Antioch in Pisidia during their first missionary journey (Acts 14:-22). Before completing the cycle of that journey, they appointed elders in each church; the criteria used by Paul and Barnabas for appointing the elders was not stated. Nevertheless, it would be expected that a criteria was adopted.

2. Characteristics of the Patterns

There are variations in the biblical patterns cited. Moses and Paul received their call in spectacular situations. Both were involved in other causes but they were called out of those into God’s cause.

Samuel and Jeremiah received their call while involving in the sacred. They could be said to have been involved in situations where they already had the frame of mind conducive to such a call.

The disciples of Jesus received a direct call from the physical Lord. The text of scripture gives no indication that they already had the frame of mind for such a call. Rather what is reflected is a spontaneous response to someone whom they may have heard about. They left their vocations and followed.

The nature of call changed within the established church as seen in the case of Timothy and that of Elders (or Shepherds). It was a call pre-conditioned by the following: (i) a personal relationship with Jesus Christ; (ii) a personal desire for involvement in the Pastoral ministry; (iii) an outward assessment by the church based on established criteria (cf. 1 Tim. 3:1-7, Tit. 1:5-9). We do not see here the nature of call which Moses, Paul, Samuel, Jeremiah and the disciples of Jesus received. Rather, it was a call through those who had been vested with ecclesiastical authority.

We see then a trend in the first century church and onwards in which pastoral calling did not occur in the same sense by which God’s call came to Moses, Paul, Samuel, Jeremiah and the Apostles. We even see further variations in the three examples we cited earlier from the Sierra Leone context: One was call through a dream; a second was call motivated by the concern for lost souls; and a third was call motivated by the concern for lost soul; and third was call motivated by the worthiness and nobility of the ministry along with the need for manpower and confirmation by the leaders.

The first century church gives us an important balance which should constitute a call to ministry. Oden makes the following citation which speaks of such a balance:

“Classical pastoral wisdom has thought it essential to test a person’s claim to be called to ministry. It is considered testable and dangerous if unexamined.”6 Oden’s citation goes back to the pattern which emerged out of the first century church. That pattern is essential today for the church in Africa and in Sierra Leone. A person’s dream or subjective motivation could be legitimate or illegitimate. It is the beginning point but should not stand alone.

“The call to ministry requires not only a private, inward

intuitive feeling that one is called by God to ministry;

if we had only that, we would invite the abuses

of self-assertive, subjective, individualistic self-

righteousness.”7

The private, inward, intuitive feeling of call is important. It may be through a dream, in fact, Africans strongly uphold the validity of dreams. It may be through subjective motivation triggered by the conviction from the Word of God to reach out and save souls or triggered by the worthiness and nobility of the ministry.

“Without the assurance of a divine sanction (call),

men are disposed to cater to the demands of

camal and worldly church members. They dilute

the doctrines that are pure and changeless. They

think in terms of personal advantage and seek the

praise of men.”8

So a sense of personal call or divine call must exist. However, the fallacy of human intuition or will along with the awesomeness and magnitude of the task of pastoral calling warrants an outward examination of the sense of call by the local church. Such an examination takes into consideration the criteria set by the first century church along with wisdom derived from the developing of the church through the centuries.

We have so far examined one aspect of pastoral calling - that is, the nature of the calling. The other aspect of pastoral calling we will consider is the task. The two are intertwined. From the biblical patterns of calling we cited, we observed that each call had a task attached to it.

The Task of Pastoral Calling

Calling in this regard has to do with the profession or occupation or work. What is the calling of the Pastor? The Pastor broadly carries the task of administering the local church. The approach to administering the local church is expressed by Robert D. Dale in the following way: “Church administration is ministry, not methods. It’s people, not paperwork. It’s human processes, not inhumane policies. It’s management, not manipulation.”9

The administering of the local church is done in the context of the nature and purpose of the church. With regards to the nature of the church, we have the following considerations:

1. The Church is the ecclesia of God.

The Apostle Peter referred to the Church as follows: “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God . . .” (1 Pet.2:9).

The church is the people of God by virtue of the redemptive work of Christ. Paul sent his first letter to Corinth to the “Church of God . . . to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy . . .” (1 Cor.1:2).10

2. The Church is the body of Christ

The implication here is that Christ is the head of the Church (Eph. 1:22; 4:15; Col. 1:18). As head of the Church, the nature of the church is determined by who Christ is and the gospel he has called upon the Church to proclaim.

The Church as the body of Christ further denotes the idea of the unity of the church, the church as a continuation of the ministry of Christ and the Church as a living organism. In unity, there is a corporate interdependence among the members of the body (cf. 1 Cor. 12:12-30). As a continuation of the ministry of Christ, the Church stands as the instrument or agency through which the spirit of the living Christ continues to work. In this regard, the Church becomes the institutional structure or organization for the enacting of Christ’s purposes. As a living organism, the church does not become a static organization but one which grows as believers experience the transforming power of the Holy Spirit within.11

3. The Church is the koinonia of redeeming love.

The description of Lindgren is worth noting:

“Christianity is not primarily an idea, a creed, a

form of worship, or an ecclesiastical institution.

Christianity is basically concerned with the matter

of relationships - God’s relationship to man,

man’s relationship to God, and man’s relationship

to man.”

Here we recognize that the basic concern of the Church is for persons. God is concerned about persons, as manifested in Christ (Jn. 3:16). The one who has received God’s redeeming love expresses that love to fellow believers and reaches out to help others enter into a relationship with God.12

With regards to the purpose or mission of the Church we have a clear expression in the following scriptures:

(1) Colossians 1:28-29

To proclaim the message of the gospel in wisdom through warning and teaching everyone in order to present everyone perfect in Christ.

(2) Ephesians 4:11-14

To prepare God’s people for works of service so that the body of Christ will be built up in its understanding of the faith and in its commitment to Christ.

Pastoral Calling, then, in the administering of the local church aims at fulfilling the purpose or mission of the church, thus keeping in constant focus the nature of the church. Since the purpose of the church is not the operating of an institutional organization, pastoral calling is, therefore, not an arm-chair executive task, akin to business corporations, where the pastor is located in the restricted activity of a building.13 It is against such an understanding that Robert D. Dale defines church administration as quoted earlier.

Alvin J. Lindgren gives a definition of the administering of the local church that lucidly reflects the task of pastoral calling in accordance with the nature and purpose of the local church:

“Purposeful church administration is the involvement

of the church in the discovery of her nature and

mission and in moving in a coherent and comp-

rehensive manner toward providing such experiences

as will enable in the fulfillment of her mission of

making known God’s love for all men.”14

Three factors in the administering of the local church are worth noting from Lindgren’s definition: (i) In administering the local church, the pastor should concern himself with fulfilling the purpose of the church; (ii) In administering the local church, the pastor should concern himself with every aspect of church life, coordinating every experience toward the achieving of the unified purpose of the church; (iii) In administering the local church, the pastor bears in mind the priesthood of all believers and, consequently, involves members of the church in carrying out responsibilities.

Conclusion

We have considered the nature and task of pastoral calling. With regards to the task, the church in Sierra Leone, and the rest of Africa, needs to re-examine the function of its pastors. Is the Pastor an executive bureaucrat confined to an executive chair and operating the church as an institution within the framework of a building? Then his concern would be paperwork, not people; methods, not ministry; manipulation, not management. This approach does not reflect the biblical nature and purpose of the church and has to be reconstituted to reflect what it ought to be.

Or, is the pastor the ‘Mr. Workaholic’ who spends toilsome hours all day outside of the confines of a building seeking to reach everyone while members just attend service and return home till another service? Then his approach becomes the extreme of the former. Such, also needs a reconstitution to reflect what it ought to be.

End Notes

1 J D Douglas et al. New Bible Dictionary (Leicester, England: Inter-Varsity Press, 1990), 2nd ed. s.v. “Church” by D W B Robinson.

2 Sinclaire B Fergusson et al, New Dictionary of Theology (Leicester, England,: Inter-Varsity Press, 1991). s.v. “Church” by E P Clowney.

3 Noah Webster, The Living Webster Encyclopedic Dictionary of the English Language (U.S.A.: The English Language Institute of America, Inc. 1973).

4 Lawrence Urdang. The Oxform Thesaurus (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1971). P.7.

5 Owen Watson, Longman Modern English Dictionary (London: Longman Group Limited. 1976).

6 Thomas C Obed. Pastoral Theology (Grand Rapids: Harper and Row Publishers, 1983), p.19

7 Ibib., p. 20.

8 G B Williamson, Overseers of the Flock (Kansas City, Missouri: Beacon Hill Press, 1959), p.14.

9 Bruce P Powers ed. Church Administration Handbook (Nashville, Tenessee: Boradman Press, 1985), p. 11.

10 Donal G Miller, The Nature and Mission of the Church (Richmond Virginia: John Knox Press, 1982), pp. 12-13.

11 Alvin J Lindgren, Foundations for Purposeful Church Administration (New York: Abingdon Press, 1965), pp. 43-53.

12 Ibid., pp. 53-54.

13 Paul Rowntree Clifford. The Pastoral Calling (Great Neck, New York: Channel Press, 1961), pp. 6-10.

14 Lindgren, p.60.

Dr. Leopold A. Foullah is currently Senior Lecturer and Head of the Department of Philosophy & Religious Studies, Fourah Bay College, University of Sierra Leone, Mount Aureol, Freetown. He is also the General Superintendent of the Missionary Church of Africa, Sierra Leone Conference. He holds the following academic qualifications: Dip.Th., B.Th., M.Div., M.Th. and Ph.D (Leeds University, England). He is interested in Biblical Theology and Social Issues. He is External Examiner for both The Evangelical College of Theology (TECT), Jui and the Sierra Leone Theological College & Church Training Center in Freetown. He is married with three children. Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leopold_A._Foullah

The thing to keep in mind is that dating is a precursor to marriage, a test trial if you will, spending time with a person to see if marriage is even a good option. In some cases, it takes more than a year to make this determination. Therefore, while relationship breakups can be difficult, they are also an excellent opportunity to grow, learning what you do and do not want from a mate.

• Closure - Often, couples who have gone through a breakup need closure. This means gaining some level of understand as to what went wrong. Although all the answers are seldom received, just having an idea of what failed is enough. For example, if a man and woman were dating and he decides to move on, you would expect the woman to want to know why. Most often, she is thinking that the man has met someone new, that she is no longer attractive to him, or something horrible. While this could be the case, it might also be that he just felt the two were not moving toward a common goal. However, by communicating and talking things out, she would gain closure. Of course, this works the same way for the man as well, although typically the woman needs closer more than a man does.

• Blame Game - Most relationship breakups come with the blame game “he did”, “she said, “he wanted”, etc. The bottom line is that for one reason or another, the relation did not work. Spending precious time and effort blaming is not going to do anything good. Rather than constantly blaming, look inside to see if perhaps something you might have done or said cold have been different. If not, you have an excellent opportunity to learn from the relationship and then move.

• Do Not Dwell - If you have gone through a relationship breakup, stop dwelling on the “what if’s”. Instead, pick yourself up and force yourself to get back out there to mingle. This does not mean you have to start dating immediately but you need to be back in social settings with friends, both male and female. Otherwise, it becomes too easy to sit at home and sulk, dwelling on the hurt caused by the breakup, which only leads to depression and other bad things.

• Vacation - Another great way to work through a relationship breakup is to take a vacation, time you can spend getting your thoughts back together so you can move on. You might take a simple two-day road trip or a week long cruise you had wanted to take. The key is to make the trip peaceful but fun. You could go along or take a close friend along. A vacation gets you out of the city and away from the situation so you can clear your mind. Most often, the person comes back feeling refreshed and invigorated with an entirely new outlook on life.

For more free resources, visit http://www.thecbtcoach.com Julia Sorensen is the author of “Overcoming Loss Stories and Activities to Help Children Transform Grief and Loss” Published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers: Pre-order at Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Loss-Activities-Transform-Childrens/dp/1843106469/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1211472762&sr=8-1 Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Julia_Sorensen

Most women ultimately want their relationships to lead to marriage. They need a man to make a commitment in order to feel secure. This need, however, can scare men away, making them feel like an object, as if they’re being used for a woman’s security. No man wants to feel as if he’s being used. As soon as he does, he’s going to leave. Feeling loved is different from feeling used. When a woman can really give a man freedom, it takes his fear of being used away.

Being safe and feeling free in a relationship means different things for different men. For some men, the main joy of relationships is the challenge of finding one. They pursue a woman as long as they don’t have her, but once they do, they start feeling trapped. They feel as if spontaneity and new possibilities are cut off. The adventurer that longs to live in all men, feels he has no place to go, and the sense of being imprisoned in a relationship begins to grow.

Other men refuse to be tamed. They feel that women want to manage a guy and if they give in, they’ll be putty in her hands. This fear of being putty in a woman’s hands, having her manage him, and having his unpredictability taken away, is equivalent to death for many men, young and old, single and married because it’s as if they’re succumbing to a mother figure, becoming a good boy and ultimately losing their power and masculinity.

Freedom is a man’s birthright. Once they feel a woman takes away their freedom they’re likely to back away. For other men, relationships are all a power game. The one who’s strong is the one who needs the other one less. The power is in not needing. These men can back away as soon as they begin to feel they need the woman more than she needs them.

For these men, their sense of power and masculinity comes from not being subject to a woman, from being the one in control. It’s no wonder that men like these cannot stay with one woman long. Sooner or later their feelings of dependency start to grow. In order to squelch their own feelings, these men take to the hills. No matter how strong they think they are, the heartbreaking part is that their loneliness and frustration only intensify each time they run.

It’s important for women in relationship with these kinds of men to give them space and freedom. It’s also important to let them know, at the same time, how much they mean to you as well.

Randy, an executive in his thirties who had never been married, said all his relationships ended quickly, after only a couple of months. “What starts out great, ends up dismally. As soon as I’m with them about a month and they think they have me, the complaints begin. They don’t like this or that about me. Sometimes it’s the way I dress. Sometimes I don’t listen enough. I could have listened all night, but the one time I didn’t, they pick on that. Whatever it is, they let me know. Before long, I feel like I’m back in school again getting a D on my report card. So I smile and am polite to their face, but before they know it, I’m out the door.”

A woman in relationship with a man like this would do well to encourage him to answer her back, to express his feelings. She should listen quietly and be careful about criticizing him. Many men are much more fragile than they seem. Harsh words from a woman they are dating can cut very deep. When she does express her needs and feeling, it is important to do it carefully, in a non-critical manner, making sure he is also aware of how much she values him.

Ultimately, it’s important to know the man you’re with, what makes him feel safe and valued. You can find out by asking him, and also by looking at his relationship history. When did other relationships end, and why? What was the triggering factor? Patterns often repeat. If you understand his pattern in the beginning, you have a much better chance of not getting caught. Basically, most men want to be in relationships, they want to commit. If you can understand and relate well to his particular fears, you will be giving the relationship a real chance.

Hear men tell you in their own words what makes a relationship work in eye-opening book on modern relationships - Why Men Leave, by top psychologist Dr. Brenda Shoshanna http://www.whymenleave.com Contact at topspeaker@yahoo.com Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Brenda_Shoshanna

We continue with our series about avoiding the pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone, continues. Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. We know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do. But we do have suggestions focusing on what you should avoid, now continuing with the letter B.

B is for betray. There is no better, or we should say worse way, to blast a relationship than to betray a confidence. When people count on you, and you stab them in the back figuratively of course, you can say bye-bye to that relationship. What may haven taken years to develop can be destroyed in a matter of moments. It’s as simple as blabbing Betty Loves Barry.

B is for bickering. You know the type, the kind of person who always has to be right, even on the tiniest issues. Can you look in the mirror and truly say that’s not you? If like most of us you can’t, you have some relationship work to do. Start now. You may pay a price for bickering today. Please note. I’m not asking you to be spineless, to give in on everything.

B is for bigot. Bigotry is still much more of a problem than most people realize. It’s not only a question of being a nasty, prejudiced person. Bigotry is also taking the easy way out, of not having to make the effort of finding out who someone really is but instead just putting him or her into neat, easy-to-understand categories. Let me give you an example from my teaching career. Over the decades I have had only two students from such and such an ethnic group. The first was a very lazy young lady; the second was a really dishonest young man. I get a lot of lazy students but not many who are really dishonest. So what should my attitude be if I get a third member of this group? The same as it should be for all my students, Let’s get to know each other and see how you work. In conclusion don’t be a bigot; let people earn your dislike. And remember, by not being prejudiced, by not being a bigot you may end up finding that someone from such and such a group is a fine person, and the feeling is mutual.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.

Levi Reiss has authored or co-authored ten books on computers and the Internet, but to be honest, he would rather just drink fine Italian, French, or other wine, accompanied by the right foods and spend time with his wife and family. He teaches classes in computers at an Ontario French-language community college. Among his many web sites he is particularly proud of his new love and relationships site celebrating mostly spiritual and on occasion physical love at http://www.loveamourlove.com. You will find a wide range of articles devoted to various aspects of love, and a special collection of love quotes in both English and French (with translations.) Check out his global wine website at http://www.theworldwidewine.com. Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Levi_Reiss

Many people seek out a relationship that leads to a greater sense of security, and a feeling that there is a partner in life who will be there in good times and bad times as well. The commitment which goes along with this kind of a relationship is a positive concept for many, but sometimes in their haste to obtain this promise of tomorrow, people can overlook certain red flags in a prospective partner. It is important to listen to those root, gut instincts when selecting a long term partner - and it is wise to take the time to truly get to know the person you are involved with. Here are the last 2 out of 5 signs that it might be smart to take more time before jumping into commitment with someone:

1.      You begin feeling anxious, confused, or down around your partner. This is something to pay attention to - if you feel at all controlled or criticized by your partner to where you begin questioning yourself and your own value, it is possible you are experiencing emotional abuse in your relationship, and you should rethink committing to someone who may make you feel this way for the rest of your life, and possibly escalate to physical forms of abuse.

2.      You feel empty and unfulfilled unless you have a partner to fill your time and the void in your heart. Your selection mechanisms are not going to be at their best functioning if emotionally you are looking for someone - maybe anyone-just to help fill that emotional emptiness and keep you from having to feel alone. You will be in your strongest position to choose someone carefully and wisely if you are satisfied with your life as an individual, and are simply open to the idea of sharing that good life with someone else who will enhance it.

 

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components? For a free copy of my ebook, “Natural Methods To Fight Depression”, click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health. Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shannon_E_Cook