Relationships Articles

If you look around you or watch TV, you’ve probably noticed there are lots of couples where one person is dating older - or younger, depending on how you want to look at it. Lots of men are dating women who are older. Likewise, lots of women are dating older men. Older dating is the new trend. So what’s the appeal? What do women dating older men - or men date younger women? And why do women date younger men - or men date older men?

Older Dating: Why do Women Date Older Men?

Women have been dating and marrying men older than them for centuries. A few thousand years ago, it was expected. The man was established and of the age to provide for a family at the time a woman was the right age to provide for a family. Older dating was normal then. Even during Shakespeare’s time it was considered normal. Juliet’s family was set to marry her off to an older man when Romeo came along.

Today, a lot of the reasons are the same. Men who are older and unmarried are ready to settle down. They’re established. They have money, which means security and security is a good thing. Likewise, many women have “daddy complexes” and they’re looking for someone who can fill the role their father’s didn’t. That aside, older dating, with women dating older men, is a part of life. She wants someone who is mature. And older men offer that.

Older Dating: Why Do Men Date Younger Women?

Older men dating younger women is a regular occurrence. The attraction is pretty obvious. An older man gets to have a beautiful young woman at his side. It makes him look younger, it makes men envious of him and he feels good because he looked good enough to catch her. From the man’s point of view, there’s no losing. Other reasons older dating occurs is because the men see younger women and think they’re sexy.

Older Dating: Why do Men Date Older Women?

So, women dating older men isn’t exactly an earth-shattering new thing. But men dating women who are 10 and 20 years older than them is certainly unusual. What’s the draw? Women who are older typically:

*Have more experience

*Are more mature

*Don’t play as many mind games

*Are more comfortable with themselves

Older dating, when it’s men dating the older women, is unusual, but it’s becoming far more common. Some famous couples with at least a five-year age gap who are or have been in this situation include:

*Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell

*J.K. Rowling and Neil Murray

*Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez

*Audrey Hepburn and Robert Wolders

*Anne Hathaway and William Shakespeare

*Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry

*Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

*Elizabeth Taylor and Larry Fortensky

Older Dating: Why do Older Women Date Younger Men?

Like with men dating younger women, the reasons women enjoy dating younger men are obvious - and very similar. Older dating, where the man is the younger of the couple, isn’t as unusual as it might seem. Women like the way it feels to have a younger man adoring her. They like the need to keep up with him and impress him. Women like that the men make them feel confident and beautiful.

Older dating isn’t a mystery. People date those older than them for a wide variety of reasons. They like the freedom, the commitment and the way they feel. The same goes for the other side of the couple: they like the way it feels to stand next to someone younger.

Only the young, are not entitled to date. Those of the “third” age are just as entitled, more so, because at that point in life, they find themselves single and alone again after divorces or through widowhood.The important thing is that both young and mature are finding that when it comes to dating, the Internet can be quite useful and very practical. Since the websites know that the “third” age generation is living quite long, they have created dating websites for these citizens, so that no one is left out of the loop.

Safety is a big concern for anyone who is considering using the Internet as a means to meet people. Senior daters have to be equally careful if not more so than younger ones because there are too many people willing to take advantage of seniors. Scams are directed towards anyone out there, but the elderly are particularly vulnerable, and they know it. Those who target seniors will have an easy time posing as someone else on the Internet to gain their trust, hoping to eventually gain access to their bank account. Mature daters need to acknowledge this risk and thread carefully.

The majority of online dating websites have features in place to ensure the safety and comfort of their users. Since websites don’t do background checks, it will be impossible to verify the vital statistics of the person you are communicating with. But if the dating website has no specific user rules in place, move on to another dating website that does.

For senior daters who have been out of the dating loop for a while, they might need a bit of help setting up their dating profile so that they get maximum exposure from others looking for the same type of relationship who also have the same interests. Most, if not all online dating websites have tips on how to write a good dating profile. Be sure to include all your interests so that potential matches able to see if there are any common interests between you.

Approach the dating scene with a light heart and the idea that you are doing it to have fun. Start off by meeting, chatting on line, exchanging emails and even having camera chats, you’ll probably enjoy the experience. You will probably find someone you hit it off with, and that would be great. Everyone deserves to be happy, regardless of their age.

A lot of people use the internet as their means of staying in-touch with the rest of the world; and an increasing number of older people are finding that the World Wide Web is one of their few outlets to the world outside their door. Seniors who are infirm themselves or care for a spouse or other family member often look for community on the internet. There are now a number of different chat rooms which are geared specifically to the older generation, ideal for those who feel more comfortable chatting with their peer group.

Use Caution

Of course, there are bad apples everywhere and chat rooms are sometimes occupied by criminals looking for an easy mark. Before getting involved in chat rooms, it’s a good idea to know about the risks involved. While most chat rooms are perfectly safe places to interact with others, you can avoid being a victim by knowing what warning signs to watch out for.

Chat rooms can be great places to socialize and even make friends, but keep a few safety guidelines in mind when you chat. You should never give out personal information like your address. While the person you’re chatting with may have no sinister motives for asking this, remember that others may be watching what you do. In any case, if someone asks for this kind of information, this should be a red flag for you - why would they need this information from you, anyways?

Being too trusting can get you into trouble online as well as off and there have been those who have ended up becoming victims of identity theft and fraud because they gave out personal information to a stranger online. Remember that you don’t actually know the person you are chatting with and that con men are experts in gaining trust; so never give this kind of information out to anyone in a chat room.

People have lost their entire life savings because they trusted someone who they met online. It’s actually not as difficult as you may think for a scam artist to get access to your bank account using some of your personal information. These criminals are professionals at what they do, so be very careful - they will use some very clever means to try to get your information. Lonely senior citizens who have no nearby family or friends are often targets for these scammers, which makes it especially important for the older generation to be cautious online.

Safe Chat Rooms

People over the age of 50 may find that a safe chat room; one which monitors the profiles of its users and has safety systems in use is the best way to go. Of course, you should always do some research into the chat room to make sure that it is reputable - a good chat room can be just what older people who have limited opportunities to socialize elsewhere need.

In the situation of an older person who is caring for an infirm spouse or family member full time, they may have very little time to get out and about, leaving them little time for friends. However, chatrooms offer these people the opportunity to engage in conversation with others; something which is a welcome break from caring for their family members.

In fact, they may be able to speak with others who are in a similar situation and give each other emotional support. It can be extremely helpful to speak with someone else who is in the same situation as yourself.

And of course, there are many older people whose families live far away and are lonely, especially if their spouse has passed away. For these people, chat rooms are a great way to meet new friends and talk to their peers who have things n common with them. This can often be the high point of their day; something which they look forward to doing - a chatroom can be something of a virtual backyard fence!

Chat rooms can be a wonderful thing for older people - you can speak with people from all over the world, make friends and have a lot of fun in the process. When you join a safe chat room, you can socialize with peace of mind, thanks to the safety features used and talk to people in your age group and find some new friends!

It’s not as hard as you may think to find love past 40; you just have to approach the idea from a different perspective. You’ve got different goals and values from when you were 20 or 30, and these have to be accounted for. Read on to learn about dating past your twenties, and how to find love all over again.

Life stresses pile up as we age, making us wish we were in our twenties again. What’s more is that the people you date will have their own challenges, making the dynamics of a relationship more challenging.

Hold on to the fact that you and your significant other both want the same thing, and that is companionship. Also know that you’re certain of your expectations from a relationship, and hold on to those.

No matter what age you are, a past filled with negative relationships will affect you. The important thing is to not let these experiences affect your future. Let go of the past, and learn from your mistakes. Those bad romances have at least taught you what you don’t want in a significant other, so make sure to find someone who fits you better.

Dating for mature people can be especially challenging in terms of replacing a lost love. If your mate has passed away, or if you’ve just gotten a divorce, you may be more hesitant to find new companionship.

Take all the time you need to heal, but remember that you deserve to be in love. Also take into consideration the fact that times have changed, and it’s not uncommon to share a home with someone you’re not married to. You don’t need to jump into matrimony before finding a good fit for yourself.

Finally, just have fun! Keep an open mind, date around, and see what becomes of it! You can have a satisfying love life at any age.

As a dating baby boomer, many things are more difficult now than they were even five years ago. One of these things is trying to find a soul mate. Although many of us still dream of finding the right person to share the rest of our life with, this becomes less of a reality as we get older. Here are 7 reasons why baby boomers may have a harder time locating their soul mate:

• We have already been married and had the experience of raising a family. Our instinct now is not to nest again, but to move on to other areas of the cycle of life.
• We have a full life with our careers, children and grandchildren. Looking for someone new just isn’t on our agenda.
• There are no convenient places to meet single people. We have already experienced the bar and nightclub scene, and the thought of doing that again is repulsive. Even if we do try to meet someone that way, chances are they will be significantly younger than we are.
• Our time is so precious to us. We simply don’t want to spend so much time getting to know someone new.
• Our lives are already set just the way they are. It could be confusing and frustrating to bring someone new into the picture.
• We are financially stable so we are not looking for someone to support us. We already have our own home and would not want to move in with someone new or have them move in with us.
• Life has different meaning for us now than it did even ten years ago. We want different things and have new goals and aspirations for our future.

That being said, it would still be nice to find someone new to have a relationship with. A blissful relationship would be wonderful, but it may not be possible.

So you are over 40 and looking for love. You are not alone. There are many over 40 singles who are searching for love and companionship. But many feel that the old ways they used to meet people, i.e. bars and nightclubs, are just no good anymore. Those are for teens.

So how do you meet people easily and effectively? There are many ways but one of the best ways is online. Fire up your computer with a good internet connection and join one of the many sites that cater to the over 40 singles crowd. That way you’ll know that you are not wasting time on people who are not right for you.



Create Your Profile



First, create an honest profile for yourself. This may seem obvious but it is worth giving this some thought or even getting a friend to help you. You want someone to fall in love with who you are, because if you put out a false front, well, it’s bound to come out anyway. Be honest right from the start so you are more efficient in the online dating process.

To create a good profile, get to know yourself. Ask yourself some searching questions: Who are you? What do you like and don’t like? What has worked for you in past relationships and what has not? What do you find attractive? What personality types do you enjoy? Think about your past and then put out there who you are and what you really want. The gurus say: Ask for what you want! So does the bible (Ask and you shall receive.)

Also, be clear about why you are joining, the type of relationship you are looking for, and what kind of partner you need. This will help other members find you faster when they are on the site looking for a love match.

Build a List

Create a list of traits you are looking for in a potential mate, then begin searching. This will help you locate mates who you are most likely to get along with, and who share the same interests and desires that you do.

Write a Note

I suggest that you don’t use the quick ‘flirting’ type buttons when you like someone. Why not take a minute and write them a nice note saying you liked their profile and you hope they can check out your profile. Make it personal! People love to be noticed! Compliment them on their photo if you like…if there is one thing that people like is compliments.

Write to as many singles as you like and wait to see who writes back. Keep at it. Be consistent. Go online at the site every night if you can and see who is new. You will find it a fun and easy process and a great way to meet a potential love match!



Dating Over 40

Dating over 40 can be fun and exhilarating if you know how to do it. As a relationship expert, I have created a list of the 25 most important facts about dating over 40 you must know. It’s free to look! You can find them at the site: www.over-40-romance.com There is always something to learn, so check it out soon. Best of luck in your search!

There are far too many personal relationship gurus out there claiming that they know how you can change to best get along with your spouse or partner. Unfortunately, all these personal relationship have now invaded the Internet to supposedly help us with inter-personal relationships.

Now they wish us to come to their websites and buy self-help relationship books? The problem with this is that most psychologists who do family and marriage or relationship counseling are some of the most messed up people on the planet. Their kids are on drugs, on their third marriage and are emotionally unstable. Many suffer from manic depression and they still tell us how to run our lives and relationships?

Beware the personal relationship cooperation psychologist Gurus on the Internet, most are either fraudulent or socio-paths in my opinion and experience. Why would you take advice or buy a book on relationships from someone whose own house is not in order.

One of the biggest problematic tactics these personal relationship gurus use is to get you to believe that your relationships may not be as good as you think. Of course once you start thinking about this or buying into such a concept it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Thus you now need the personal relationship guru faker, where before everything was perfectly fine.

How can a relationship guru who cannot solve their own problems help you with yours? The hypocrisy is a little unnerving and now they are writing articles on popular websites, telling everyone what is wrong with their relationships and how to make them better. Use common sense folks, do not give these self-proclaimed experts one red cent.

Recently, a new client came to me who was distraught from the end of her latest romance. As Karen told me her story, I started to recognize the problem before she could even finish.

Her relationship with Scott started out with a bang. They met online and got close very quickly. He seemed totally smitten with Karen, telling her that several times right from the start. Although Scott lived an hour away, he made an effort to see Karen two- three times a week and they talked on the phone daily.

In addition to all the attention, Karen really enjoyed time with Scott. She was very attracted to him and respected him. They seemed to be in sync regarding the pace of the romance, how much time to spend together and shared the same long-term picture. In month two he not only told Karen he loved her, but told his and her friends and families that she was the woman for him.

Then at the end of month two, the shift began abruptly. First Scott suddenly had his son every weekend. Then he had emergency work twice on nights they had dates planned, but he made no attempt to reschedule. In fact, he was annoyed that Karen was disappointed. Their time together waned, with not even a once a week date.

Finally Karen did the only thing left to do with dignity, which was break up, explaining that she wants to see the person she’s dating on a regular basis, and for whatever reason he longer seemed to care.

So what happened? Scott was not completely free. Although his profile said he was divorced, he in fact was not quite finished with the proceedings. His divorce did become final at the end of the second month…when all the trouble began.

Having never been divorced, I’m sure I can’t really imagine what it’s like. But I do know what people have told me. No matter why the divorce, it’s never fun or pretty. It takes a big emotional toll no matter who you are - and only time can heal that.

So, while Scott might have thought he was ready for relationship, clearly he was not.

Therapists say it takes a full year to be emotionally ready for the next long-term relationship. Is it possible in less time? Of course there are exceptions to every rule. But why chance it? Do your best to steer clear of candidates that are mid-divorce, or even freshly divorced. It’s not an easy rule sometimes, but it can save you the heartache that Karen is now feeling.

The last word on this was my advice to Karen. “Please don’t think that his change of heart and disappearing act is your fault. Scott has an emotional issue which is not a reflection on the quality woman you are.” It’s not easy to do. But the idea that she had done something to push him away is highly unlikely in this case and I’d hate to see this impact her self-esteem. Karen left me with a small smile, feeling more hopeful. That’s what my job is all about.

During the last group coaching session of the spring series, one of my clients, Isabel, has been struggling with staying motivated. She finds so many reasons to not go to events or worse, signing up for things, but not attending them. This pattern has kept her from sticking with her dating action plan to get out there, meet men and be seen and really is at odds with her goal to find love.

Does this ring any bells for you?

As she talked, Isabel realized that in the past when she had been actively dating, the key to her success was her girlfriend Rhonda. They had been dating buddies, going to events together, encouraging each other and providing support on the journey. Isabel missed having Rhonda to share the experience with as it had been enormously helpful in her last go around.

Sometimes she just didn’t feel like going out or she’d had a bad day and didn’t want to redo her makeup for a night out. Maybe her attitude had slipped into the negative zone which wasn’t serving her. That’s when Rhonda would be a great dating buddy, jumping in to help Isabel keep her promises to herself! And in turn, Isabel did the exact thing for Rhonda.

It’s simple human nature to backslide. It’s easier to do nothing than to forge ahead. And, the urge to resist seems very prevalent in the dating world for women today. There are so many other things you could be doing that might seem like more fun, or to cross off your list and be productive. Unfortunately, avoidance won’t move you any further towards your goal of finding the love you want. That’s why having a buddy is such a powerful strategy for staying the course regarding your dating life.

On the call, we all discussed possible solutions which became very obvious - Isabel needed a new dating buddy! With Rhonda off the market so to speak, she needs to recruit another “partner in crime.” It didn’t take long for her to think of another girlfriend who might be willing.

But what if you don’t have a single friend available for this supportive role? Then it’s time to meet some new single women. There are several ways you can do this quite easily. Attend singles events and when there aren’t enough men, go meet the women!

Speed dating is a great way to find new female friends. There is usually a mid-point break for mingling which makes it easy to meet people. If none of the men interest you, look for a woman who seems friendly. You aren’t the only one who could use a dating buddy, believe me. So approaching another woman won’t even seem strange. If you have to, think of it as misery loves company - but try to take a more positive angle. I can’t tell you how many women have made new best friends at speed dating events.

Another great option is single gourmet events. This type of program attracts more women than men, so now you’ll be meeting lots of single women who like what you do - good food and wine. If you attend one of these programs and feel disappointed that the men are slim pickings, shift gears and look for female companionship.

If you’re serious about finding love, using the support system of a dating buddy can make a tremendous difference in your stamina and results. And another girlfriend is always a wonderful expansion to life. Get out there to meet new people, enjoy each person for his/her individual charm, and find the love you want and deserve!

Some call this Black Dating, Senior Dating or Over the Hill dating in Baltimore.

I call it hysterical! As the owner of two online dating websites (one for Black Singles and one for Senior Singles) AND a black dating service (I give dating events) you would think I could at least find some dateable men. YOU would be wrong!

Dating in Baltimore for a woman over 50 such as myself is a mind boggling undertaking. What I considered would be relatively easy has proven to be difficult beyond measure. It was almost two years since my husband’s death before I even considered “dating” again. The gentleman was really nice, could hold a conversation but was not really my type. Now mind you, my type has been all over the planet so I don’t have a type per se. However, he was not “it.”

That indefinable “it” that lets you know up front just how far to take this thing. So, for me, right now I am taking everything very slowly. Being a widow does have its advantages. One of the advantages is it will buy you time. So even when I KNOW this is going absolutely no where, most men have the common sense and tact not to rush or push me. Great for me. With the apparent slim pickings here in Baltimore, slow is the only way to go. I have been just friends with a man only to find out six months down the road that I really REALLY like this guy. So my method is to take my time, feel the gentleman out and let things unfold as they may. But fellas, I KNOW you (the elusive good man) is out there but please help a sister out!

While I will admit I have been a little spoiled (my husband dressed his self and me very well and was always pretty slim), I am not yet ready to deal with massive beer bellies, nose or heaven forbid ear hairs! Nor am I willing to be seen in public with some one who has on plaids with prints (wtf) or squeaky leather shoes, let alone sandals with crusty feet. What is going ON? And yes, I know I am not the “fly girl” or as slim as I used to be either. However, I do dress myself with care most days and have never mixed plaids with prints (actually, I seldom wear plaids or prints). I prefer not to see my “date” in them either. I never could understand wives who dressed their husband’s but believe me I get it NOW. It is quite painful. You just cannot tell a new “potential” man that you would love to show them a great place to buy men’s clothes (can you)? Inquiring minds do want to know.

OK so, yes, I do judge all my friends on their character, ability to hold a great conversation (not the one sided conversation where he talks and I yawn), but a real conversation that stimulates your mind, along with a good sense of humor and adventure.

One of a woman’s most erogenous zones has always been between her ears. Most women don’t realize this until their innate “hotness” has worn off, AND the man of their choice now is sporting one of those beer bellies. Gentlemen, my ladies in the Hurry Dates in Black dating base (and I) are looking for you. You know how to hold a great conversation, and have the character, integrity and sense of humor we seek. You can dress yourself and, if you can’t, you have the sense to ask for assistance.

To take me to dinner a few times does not constitute an invitation to spend the night (What? You want to stay here?) I need just a little more than that. Most real women do! I can assist with the dressing as needed, but please get rid of those PLAIDS AND PRINTS! A man who can talk and listen is what I am seeking. A man who takes his responsibilities seriously. but take his self lightly. A great sense of humor and adventure is always a plus. Integrity and honesty with faith in God and the power of a great relationship rounds out the perfect package. This is a wonderful time in life, truly golden. We (women) can do this alone, but would rather be with you!

If this is you, hit me on my website. Ladies, happy hunting and good luck to you!