Relationships Articles

Divorce is all too common in western countries. Typically 50% of all marriages fail, and the unfortunate reality is that the words ‘children and divorce’ apply to literally millions of kids around the world.

When a divorce occurs, children often feel like the bottom has fallen out of their world. The mother and father together in a healthy marriage provide a secure environment for children, and when this is suddenly gone they are susceptible to all kinds of emotional troubles. They may become aggressive, or they may withdraw. Behavioural problems are common, as is poor performance in schoolwork. Their confidence will often be affected when faced with the challenge of adjusting to a new reality.

Thankfully there are some steps that concerned parents can take to help their children through this painful experience.

Firstly, make sure you put extra effort into letting your children know how much you love them, and that the divorce is not their fault. They will most likely need more reassurance than is normal, and the more positive words and positive shared experiences during this time the better.

Secondly, resist from being critical of your ex-spouse in front of the children, as regardless of their shortcomings they will always be the other parent of your children. It’s best if you are always cordial and work cooperatively for the good of your offspring.

Thirdly, give your children time and space to express themselves. It is a huge issue for them, and their feelings won’t be resolved immediately. One good idea is to ask them to record their thoughts in a journal. This provides a positive and non-destructive outlet for emotions that are running deep.

If children and divorce is a reality in your situation, you can put these tips into practice. If you do will be on the way to helping your children cope and face the future with confidence and hope.

Marriage and divorce are too often linked together like “peas and carrots.” At one point in history, the thought of divorce was as scandalous as committing a murder. When a couple married, the notion of getting a divorce if things failed to work out was not an option.

Has the sanctity of marriage been lowered so far that when two individuals step up to the altar, they know they have a way out of it? The time honored tradition of living “till death do us part,” seems to have evolved towards the notion of “till death do us part, unless we get a divorce.”

A lack of proper communication in a marriage is viewed by some as the leading factor behind a divorce. Endless negative comments by your spouse can bring down even the happiest of individuals, leaving you feeling dejected and miserable. Overcoming negativity in a marriage can be difficult, but it is possible. Some ways to avoid negativity can be listening to a favorite song, taking a walk or reading a good book.

Spouses can help their partner overcome negativity by not taking it personally and looking for underlying causes. Using positive reinforcement, such as surrounding yourselves with positive people, spending quality time with one another, or acknowledging positive accomplishments can help break the chain of negativity. In the long run, positive conversations and attitudes can be the difference between marriage and divorce.

Ideals about marriage and divorce can also come from family history. Children of divorced mothers and fathers will often possess a fear of failing in their own marriage, especially if their parent’s divorce was wrought with hateful bickering and a lack of affection. In fact, some studies report that children coming from a broken home are twice as likely to experience divorce in their marriage.

Coming from a divorced parent makes the act itself an option in case the marriage doesn’t work out. It can often set a standard for what marriage is supposed to be like when children of a broken home decide to enter matrimony.

Before entering a marriage, it is important you talk about family origin before walking down the aisle. Ask each other about your childhood and what your parent’s relationships were like growing up. This can help clear the air between you, helping establish what you want from the marriage.

Financial strain can play a role in marriage and divorce. It is important to understand what your financial expectations are for the marriage before entering into matrimony. Ask yourselves if there is to be joint checking accounts or separate checking accounts. Find out if you both have the same saving goals and then find a happy medium if there is an inherent difference.

Looking at your personal spending habits is emphatically important before getting married because you have to understand where the money is going to go most of the time when you live under one roof. Too often we let money dictate our lives, but avoid talking about it because the topic seems too personal and invasive. But discussing the role finances will play in your marriage is as important as discussing parental roles when you decide to have children.

History’s idea of marriage and divorce is drastically different than what exists in today’s society. Over the centuries, the idea of getting a divorce if one’s marriage wasn’t working out has become somewhat automatic. Perhaps this can change with the next few generations if more emphasis is placed on the importance of communicating before and after marriage.

Getting everything out in the open before taking on the commitment of marriage can help a couple cope with the natural difficulties that arise in a relationship which is intended to last a lifetime. It can reiterate the dreams and desires that made two people want to spend their lives together in the first place, making divorce seem like a not-so-appealing option.

The sanctity of marriage is said to be under fire in our nation and indeed the gay and lesbian community are often blamed by the Christians, as they complain of this problem. Marriage is considered between a man and a woman. But there is a problem brewing, one we have a politically active gay and lesbian community and within their group is a fringe element which is really seemingly out of control in many regards, using threats, extortion tactics and slanderous remarks at a drop of the hat.

You see, I am a futurist Jen, I watch trends, I see things like this in the future. Indeed my goal is to hope someone reads this and gets together to mentor the fringe so they do not take it upon themselves to take their frustration and anger to the next level and really mess things up for everyone. I am seriously worried that the gay fringe, which I mentioned has members who will commit violent acts. I see it plain as day.

All the warning signs are there it is only a matter of when. Just like before the Colombine School Shootings. But it can be prevented; I know it can. Someone needs to sit down with these folks and talk with them. When violence events like this occur they will make national news, the TV loves chaos and controversy, but it will be also at the expense of the G & L Communities goals for lawful marriage. We must be careful of this social time bomb ticking and watch closely the fringe and the trends, so indeed consider all this in 2006.

After existing almost 20 years in a marriage that did not fit the example of what my faith portrayed as “according to God’s plan,” I struggled with the decision to divorce or not to divorce. Marriage was sacred to me. My parents spent over 50 years together, loving their family and each other. Why hadn’t my marriage mirrored that? Had I done all that I could to make it last? Where had I gone wrong? Or, was it not me? Was it my fault that my spouse had strayed? What about the sanctity of marriage? Hadn’t I prayed every day for his conversion? How would a divorce affect my children? Would I be teaching them that marriage is dispensable?

Questions, questions… soul searching, self-battering, fear for the future as a single parent, all of these issues pounced on my brain on a daily basis.

A friend invited me to join a Charismatic Prayer Group. She thought the prayers might give me comfort. One of the regular members sat with me and asked what I wanted to pray for. I told her my dilemma. She asked a few questions about what I felt about the sacredness of marriage and had I tried to encourage my husband to change his ways or go to counseling sessions. She listened quietly and I guess saw the futility of my plight. She took her Bible out and showed me what 1 Corinthians had to say about divorce. She said, “I am happy in my marriage, but if anyone has a reason to divorce, I think it’s you.” I did not see her again as the group was a little overwhelming to me. I doubt that she knew or even has the slightest inkling that she set me free that day. And I thank her for it, still.

If you are in the throws of a divorce, perhaps the following can help you to be at peace or could even change your mind not to go through a divorce if the reasons are not sufficient.

Seek first the counsel of your Pastor or someone else’s Pastor, if you would prefer. But, “Seek and ye shall find.”

If you plan to spend a little time with your Bible, I suggest you purchase one with a Concordance, as this facilitates finding exactly what you are looking for in a minimum of time. This search may cause you to become friends with that Great Book.

In Deuteronomy, Ch 24, v.1-4, Moses in leading his people to Canaan, is reminding them of the laws they are responsible to abide by. He says, “If a man doesn’t like something about his wife, he may write a letter stating that he has divorced her, give her the letter, and send her away If she then remarries, and the second husband divorces her or dies, the former husband may not marry her again, for she has been defiled; this would bring guilt upon the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

That was then, pre Jesus, Old Testament.

Matthew Ch. 5, v 31-32, Quoting the words of Jesus himself, says, 31 “The law of Moses says, ‘If anyone wants to be rid of his wife, he can divorce her merely by giving her a letter of dismissal.’ 32 But I (Jesus), say that a man who divorces his wife, except for fornication, causes her to commit adultery if she marries again. And he who marries her commits adultery.”

Remember, this is Jesus speaking, not Matthew. Jesus is more specific in his law about divorce. A man can not just brush his wife off because he is tired of her, but if she is unfaithful, then he has a sufficient reason for divorce.

Granted it is Jesus speaking, but it is Matthew, writing what Jesus said.

One wonders if a man had been the one to commit fornication, could his wife divorce him? Personally, I think this statement is expressed this way because this is written from the perspective of Matthew, a man. Not much was heard from women in that time of history.

Again, in Mark Ch.10, v.4-12, the same sentiment is proposed. The Pharisees were testing Jesus. He basically repeated the same sentiments as stated in Matthew, but in v.11-12, Jesus says, 11 “When a man divorces his wife to marry someone else, he commits adultery against her. 12 And if a wife divorces her husband and remarries, she, too, commits adultery.”

Later, when Paul was in Corinth, he was disappointed with the people there because some were fallen away from the instructions of Christ. In 1Corinthians, Ch 7, v 10-16, he discusses the subject of divorce and basically says the same about divorcing your spouse, but he adds his own suggestions, that if a Christian woman is married to a non-Christian, she should stay with him, in the hope that she may convert her husband. And the husband likewise, should stay for the same reason. In v.15, he adds “But if a husband or wife who is not a Christian is eager to leave, divorce is permitted. In such cases the Christian husband or wife should not insist that the other stay, for God wants his people to live in peace and harmony.”

So far, fornication, adultery, cheating, whatever one wants to call it and a non-believer who does not want to stay in the marriage is acceptable by Jesus’ and His chosen Apostles, as a real reason for divorce.

Now the kicker…Jesus, knowing He would be leaving his Apostles soon, knew He had to leave the reins in the hands of his most capable, faithful follower. In Matthew Ch 16, Jesus discusses with a group of Pharisees and Sadducees just who they thought He was. The bantering goes on with their acting oblivious or pretending not to know. Some of his own disciples did not even know Him.

In v.16, Simon Peter answered that He was “The Christ, the Messiah, Son of the living God.” 17 “God has blessed you, Simon, son of Jonah.” Jesus said, “for my Father in heaven has personally revealed this to you-this is not from any human source. v 18 You are Peter, a stone and upon this rock I will build my church; and all the powers of hell shall not prevail against it. 19 And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven; whatever doors you lock on earth shall be locked in heaven; and whatever doors you open on earth shall be open in heaven!”

Read that again!

If you are a Catholic reading these words, your Pope of today has been given the same power, passed down from the first Pope (Apostle, Spiritual Leader, Follower of Christ), Simon Peter, because Christ deemed him the leader of the church in His absence.

Through the years, our Pope has been the Spiritual Leader and last word for the Catholic Church, in the moral and spiritual, decision-making process. In certain cases, the church has seen fit to make way for the dissolution of certain marriages. It is called annulment. Marriage agreements that evolved from a false promise, infidelity, and fallout from that, ie, dense involvement in pornography, child abuse and spouse abuse, to name just a few, are legitimate reasons for dissolution of a marriage.

Ending a marriage is not the end… it is the beginning of a long, sometimes difficult, time of growth, repairing self-image and learning to become self-sufficient. It is sometimes lonely and the future seems futile, unless one strives to become a useful, caring member of society. But with prayer and a friendship with God, everything is possible.

A Family Law Attorney From Southern California Explains what a  ”Legal Separation” Is:

 

Legal Separations:

Legal separations do not always lead to a divorce, but are considered the first step towards one. A legal separation is a way to figure out how the individual lives will go on instead of the intertwined lives of a couple. It can be considered a “test drive” to a divorce, and it can also be a way to separate the two parties to give each other a little time to let “cooler heads” prevail. Often time couple rush to a divorce after an argument, only to realize later that if they would have separated for a short period of time, they may well have reconciled, and not gone through with a divorce.

 

Pitfalls

Legal separation does not put an end to a marriage! Rather, legal separation is used to outline each party’s responsibilities and rights as individuals rather than a couple. Legal separations are designed to protect each individual’s assets while making the decision to either divorce or reconcile. Usually, court orders are in place to mandate such things as payment on communal properties and child custody issues.

 

Benefits

While still married but legally separated, couples can still share medical benefits, social security benefits, military benefits and offers time for a cooling off period. Also, legal separations can be handy if religious beliefs are not shared. The couple can legally separate but still remain married to observe  religious beliefs. Legal separations are also very easy to convert into divorce settlements in the case that a reconciliation cannot be reached. Until the divorce paperwork is filed with the court, the couple is still married even with a legal separation. 

While it is often very easy to get married to one’s heartthrob, it is not often the same thing when it comes to making the marriage work. When the marriage can no longer continue, couples often think of divorce.

There are many things you must consider when thinking of divorce. This includes the length of the procedure, the cost of the divorce process, the cost of separation, and the emotional outburst to mention a few.

Many people often think of divorce when they cannot get the marriage to work. Little do they know that they cannot have their way immediately. Getting a divorce decree usually takes time. The process usually takes several months especially if there are disputes regarding child custody, material assets and debts. So, consider these before embarking on the process.

The cost of divorce process is one factor many couples don’t consider. The cost usually involves the length of the process, the charges of your attorney and the paper that should be produced. The longer all these takes, the higher will be the cost.

Another factor many couple don’t consider when thinking of divorce is the cost of separation. The cost of separation means that you will have to bear the cost of living alone. Hence, if you don’t have a source of income, this becomes a major problem. You should think again if you are not sure of how to shoulder the whole expenses and bills after getting a divorce.

One of the factors you must consider when thinking of divorce is emotional outburst. The temptation to get angry and become violent is very strong in the process of getting a divorce. Hence, you are advised against it if you know you cannot control your emotion.

It is very important for you to consider parental responsibility when filing for divorce. You should realize that once the court orders you to pay for the expenses of the children till they are grown up. You have to obey. This is irrespective of whether you have their custody or not.

Oftentimes, many couples desiring to end a marriage through divorce think of themselves alone and not the children. They fail to consider the custody of the child. In most cases, the mother takes the child custody except the court found that she is not capable. In that case, the court will award it to the father.

There are many types of divorce articles available on the Internet by a variety of authors. What’s below will help you get the most out of the divorce articles here on this site and anywhere else. The below information about divorce articles holds true for most any type of articles on the Internet as well.

When people seek out divorce articles on the Internet, they usually want some sort of information that will help them solve a problem they may be encountering. Of course, the article seeker may just want to be informed about a certain subject for a variety of other reasons. In order for someone to get the most out of divorce articles, they should consider the following items:

1. Divorce article validity based on the source:

When reading a divorce article, consider what the writer has in the way or credibility via credentials or life experience. Writers don’t necessarily have to have advanced degrees to write a credible divorce article, they just have to have a true life experience that helps or otherwise informs in some way for the good of the reader.

2. Divorce article goal:

If you’re reading a divorce article and you find yourself wondering what they goal of it is, try to figure out what the writer’s intention was when writing the article. Articles are written for a variety of reasons…to inform, to help someone improve their life, to sell a book, to sell a service or product, etc. Just because a divorce article is designed to sell a product or service as the end goal, it doesn’t make that article less valid…if the intentions of the reader are also to help someone, and the reader gets something out of the article, chances are it is a worthwhile article.

3. Secondary message of the divorce article:

Take a look at what the divorce article is saying behind the scenes. Assess what you think the divorce article is trying to get across that isn’t always apparent at the first reading. Sometimes authors deliberately write so the reader has to think a little more than in casual reading in order to fully get the message.

If the divorce article is designed to sell a product or service, decide whether or not the divorce article’s theme goes hand in hand with the product or service…does it add value or complement the offering? If so, decide whether you’d like to try the product or service or at least review the product or service to see if it is for you. A reader can tell a lot about the product or service owner by the way the article is written. Is it off topic? Is it detailed? Will the concepts explained in the divorce article apply directly to you?

When reading divorce articles or any other articles on the Internet, always remember that the article is there for a reason. If the author seems to have good intentions (revealed in delivering useful information that you can benefit from) chances are the author may have other articles or information worth your time.

Going through a divorce is one of the more emotional wrenching things that an individual can go through. To get through the emotional hurt, many find that a support group made of people who have been through similar situations can help them to get through their hard times.

So what exactly can you expect to happen at a divorce support group gathering? Probably the most important thing to happen is that you’ll begin to make new friends. Many people who have just come out of a divorce feel alone. Their other half, who has been their support up until recently, is no longer there - and has possibly even become an adversary.

In addition, many have long ago relocated to cities or communities far from where they grew up and can no longer rely too much on the support of their family. And in some cases, even the friendships they have made among their extended family - such as their father-in-law, mother-in-law, and so on have become strained making it awkward to talk with them. In this context, the opportunity to meet new friends can be extremely welcome.

The first times that you attend a divorce group will probably be very emotional for you. All of the feelings, thoughts, and emotions that you have been partially successful in repressing will all come to the forefront as you listen to the stories of others in the group and begin to share your own. This is a good thing. The best way to begin the process of letting go of the past is to become comfortable in talking about it and taking ownership of the things you did in the marriage - both good and bad. Meetings like this are cathartic and, although it may take a while, you’ll eventually feel the anger and anxiety slipping away.

However, divorce support groups are not solely for those who have been technically divorced. You may also find them useful if you’re in the midst of a separation and deciding if you should go through with the divorce or not. In this situation, it can be very helpful to talk to the members and find out the mistakes they made in their divorce proceedings, so you can avoid those same mistakes if you decide to eventually go through with your own divorce. You may also discover alternatives to divorce that you may not have considered before or were not aware of.

For example, you may never have considered seeing a divorce counselor - either because you weren’t aware that such professionals existed or you didn’t think that you’d be able to afford one. You man discover, to your surprise, that one of your local divorce support group has recommended resources in this area.

In the past, because of divorce stigma, it would be difficult to find a divorce group. Nowadays, however, it’s almost impossible to live in a town without personally knowing someone who has gone through a divorce. The result has been an explosion of support groups in thousands of communities across the country making it easier to get help now than at any time before.

As a man, the one thing you hopefully have already begun to realize about your relationships with women is that nothing is guaranteed, especially when you start dealing with all of the emotional baggage that most people bring into the relationship. In this article we are going to talk about seeing or dating a woman who is still married but the divorce should be complete anytime now.

We aren’t going to get into the moralistic aspects of dating a married woman because that would be a rather black and white issue, either you or for it or against it.

Instead we are going to focus on what you can assume to expect to get out of being in a relationship with a woman whose divorce isn’t final yet.

First off, getting in what you would consider a long term relationship with a married woman brings two challenges with it.

1. She is still married which means she still needs time to heal from what will eventually be the ending of her marriage.
2. Any woman who would seriously consider the prospect of getting involved in a long term relationship with a man even though she is still married has some serious commitment issues.

In other words, for your own emotional sanity don’t expect any kind of relationship that you have with a woman who is still bound by law to another man to last for any extended period of time.

Of course, there are plenty of exceptions to this rule and as a man you are much better off going into it with the short term in mind and if it happens to evolve (very slowly) into a long term relationship then great.

Speaking of short-term lets move right into what is probably your safest bet with a woman who is in the middle of going through a divorce.

Simply going out with a woman that you happen to enjoy without the additional pressures of an actual relationship is your best bet if you find yourself attracted to a woman who is going through a divorce.

As long as you are aware of the following;

1. She might not get divorced
2. Her “Husband” might not be okay with the idea of her dating
3. Her “Husband” might blame you for preventing the reconciliation of the marriage and in turn do his best to remove you from the situation by any means necessary.

If you are okay with these potential risks then go ahead and enjoy yourself, just don’t get to emotionally attached as she is the one going through a divorce not you.

Divorce proceedings are going to be very hard for all those involved. However, if you can find ways to remain calm this will ensure that you are then able to think more clearly. Not only will this help the proceedings to run more smoothly but also much more quickly and you will find you get a far better divorce settlement at the end. In this article we offer some divorce advice for men that could prove very useful should they find themselves faced in the future with this particular situation.

Tip 1 - If you and your partner have children then you need to take into consideration how they are feeling about this particular situation. Many children no matter their ages will find it hard to reconcile to the fact that their parents have no feelings for each other anymore. If you find it difficult to discuss matters regarding the children amicably then you would best be advised to use the services of a mediator such as marriage counselor.

Tip 2 - Many couples prefer not to drag things out so that they can get on with the new life they are trying to create for themselves. It is important that you allow the much smaller matters to be put aside and only deal with issues that are of great importance such as custody of the children and the dividing up of those assets that you have accumulated together. Arguing over everything won’t only extend how long it takes to get your divorce finalized but will result in you having to pay your lawyers more for their services.