Relationships Articles

When searching for a great Las Vegas Domestic Abuse Lawyer or a Las Vegas Domestic Violence Lawyer, you should take time in your search to make sure you find the right attorney for the job. The Internet is a great place to start your search for the right attorney for your own case. On the Internet, you’ll be able to search for and screen many different attorneys that could potentially handle your case. It is important that you use your best judgment in searching for the right attorney to handle your case. You want to search for an attorney who is very well qualified to try your case.

There are several things that you may want to keep in mind when searching for the right attorney. First, it’s very important that you select a attorney with a solid background in the law field. Make very sure that your attorney is well educated and holds a JD and is licensed to practice law in the state you wish to try your case in. You should also look for an attorney with a background in trying your type of case. It is important that your attorney has experience with this. You wouldn’t want an attorney who doesn’t know the ropes of the kind of case you’re trying. Hiring an inexperienced attorney versus hiring an experienced attorney could be the difference between you losing and winning your case.

Once you have narrowed down your search for a qualified attorney to a few good candidates, you should begin to make phone calls so that you can schedule consultations with these attorneys. These consultations are usually free of charge and complimentary sessions in which you can meet the attorney and explain your case to him or her. He or she will explain to you how he or she would go about trying your case and help you see the likelihood of your eventual success in a trial. More importantly, these consultations help you determine whether or not this attorney is someone that you would like to work with and to have work on your case. It is important that if you are not completely satisfied in the knowledge that this attorney is qualified to handle your case, you continue searching for and select another attorney. You must also be able to agree with your attorney on the fees, which you will pay him or her. You may negotiate a payment plan or upfront payments, but whatever the case, it is very important that you agree on fees. If you do not, you need to search for another attorney.

Finding the right attorney to handle your case is one of the most important decisions that you’ll make in taking your case to court. A qualified attorney could very well mean the difference between you losing or winning your case. You should be extremely cautious when you select this attorney and take many factors into consideration. With the proper preparation, you should be able to find a qualified attorney.

Leaving an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship is a very challenging and courageous act. It can also be difficult to follow through. If you take into account the fact that you have been through a traumatic experience where you’ve been conditioned to belief false and terrible things about yourself, and you have taken a major hit to your self esteem, it isn’t surprising that you might have second thoughts and consider returning to the relative “security” of the relationship. It is important to be gentle with yourself and try to remain calm and resolute in following through with the decisions you believe are right for you and true to your integrity. Here are 3 steps to successfully staying free of the emotionally abusive relationship:

1.      Boost your physical health as much as possible. You will be better equipped to handle the emotional and mental stresses of the transition if your body is in optimal health. Eat right, eliminate processed foods and sugars, take supplements if needed, exercise regularly, and take time out for yourself daily to relax. 

2.      Honor your emotions and expect they will bounce around a bit. Sometimes your choice may seem solid and clear, other times you may be vulnerable and start longing for some kind of security - even that of the emotionally abusive relationship. This happens to a lot of people, and is evidenced by how many people return one, two, or several times to a toxic or abusive relationship.

3.      Spend lots of time with people who make you feel good and supported. Think of it as reprogramming the negative messages you heard over and over from your abuser, and replacing it with affirming and truthful assessments. Get back in touch with your instincts and don’t engage in relationships that make you feel confused, anxious, or badly about yourself.

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is a wearing and esteem challenging experience. Often, the victim coming out of the relationship has a lot of self doubt, insecurity, and fears about where to go and what to do next. During this very difficult time, it is important you put in the effort to take good care of yourself. Here are the first two of 5 steps you can take to help you recover emotionally and physically from the stress of your emotionally abusive relationship:

1. Eat well and focus on healthy choices. Lean proteins, fresh fruit and vegetables, and whole grains are a good starting point for creating your ideal diet. Addressing your physical well being goes a long way toward supporting your emotional well being, both from a physical standpoint (a healthier body supports a healthier mind), as well as the message it send you emotionally that you are worth taking care of. If your appetite is suppressed due to the stress of the breakup, try carrying around healthy snack foods such as cut veggies, jerky, and nuts to eat throughout the day. Protein is important. If you tend to eat too much, make sure you only eat at planned times and set a time in the evening where you stop. Avoid eating while distracted.

2. Take vitamins or supplements as your need dictates. It is always advisable to check with a naturopath or other health care practitioner before adding new supplements to your regimen. A food based multivitamin is a good place to start, along with calcium if you do not eat a lot of calcium rich foods. Fish oil is an excellent supplement and supports brain health, among other health benefits. L-theanine is a helpful anti-anxiety supplement, and 5 HTP (hydroxytryptophan) is a precursor to serotonin, acts as a natural antidepressant to encourage higher levels of the brain neurotransmitter. Serotonin is involved in mood regulation.

This is about domestic violence. I would love to say I’m writing about how things have changed since I was fresh out of journalism school, but that is unfortunately not true.

After watching a re-airing of a documentary, I was reminded about my early radio broadcasting career and the public affairs programming I had done on alcoholics who abuse their families when drunk and another on women who escaped to a United Way shelter.

Carolyn Thomas is a woman who wound up losing 2/3’s of her face when her live in boyfriend came home drunk and killed her mother and then shot Carolyn so that the bullet shattered her right eye, tore off her nose and her upper jaw. Somehow she survived but it took her and her medical team over 2 years, a half dozen major reconstructing surgeries and several grueling sessions with various prosthetic geniuses to put her back together. Carolyn’s goal was to “stop being someone people are scared of and become someone they can see as being a survivor”.

And she is a survivor-nowadays she speaks wherever and whenever she can on the importance of helping women get away from abusive mates and of her horrendous ordeal.

At the first radio station I worked at in Bakersfield, CA I interviewed a lady who, due to her husband’s drinking, suffered years of verbal abuse. Fortunately, she found Alanon and they helped her leave and start her life over before the abuse turned physical. She credited her ability to leave and have her own recovery to her personal faith and the wonderful counselors at Alanon.

Coming from a home that was loving and considerate, it was hard for me to imagine anyone staying in a relationship such as this-but after talking to the Alanon counselor I could better understand how someone who is bigger, stronger and your financial support could beat your self-esteem down to this level.

After this documentary-I discussed the subject with my parents. My mother pointed out that her father was indeed a prime example of a verbal abuser. We all had estranged ourselves from my father’s mother for the same reason. So even though I had never been physically touched by either one, I too was just as much a victim of their horrible treatment.

A year or so later, I moved on to a major market radio station (it was outside of Los Angeles). During my reign as afternoon news anchor and public affairs person I decided to produce a documentary about women who had not only escaped, but what they did to move past the abuse. I contacted the United Way, who ran a local women’s shelter. The lead counselor and three women agreed to do the show. All had children, all had had broken bones and shattered egos. They had been in the shelter two months. One had completed the program, was divorcing her husband, and had not only found a job but rented an apartment. She sounded strong and determined to succeed in raising her 2 children in a loving, non-violent home. One of the other women was scared about being alone with her children. Since she wasn’t married to her abuser, the United Way was trying to relocate her and her child and were extending her stay to try and provide her with a better feeling of self-confidence. The third woman sounded as if she was not going to make it. Truly. The counselor said that at this point in the program, they were seeing about a 50% success rate. She wasn’t happy with this, but admitted that more often than not-most women returned to their abusive mates within 6 months of leaving the shelter.

Hopefully that has changed since I did that show in 1980.

Several years later, now I was a stay-at-home mom of two and we were preparing to move. The usual clean-up had begun. When I realized all the baby and toddler clothes I had (and in excellent condition), toys that my kids had outgrown and even our high chair, a crib and a couple of car seats, I knew exactly what to do.

I had Sarah and Adam help me clean, sort and box up everything. Then I called my local United Way and asked where I could drop off a donation to the nearest women’s shelter. Much to my surprise-they gave me directions to the actual home. I called and asked when the best time would be. The counselor gushed her appreciation and said “Please, our residents can use anything and everything, would now be too soon?”

I put my kids into the car with our boxes. While driving I explained about where we were going and why this was were their old things would do the most good. They couldn’t imagine dads who hurt little kids or hit mommies. They were a bit frightened. They were just about to turn 5 and 7. I told them this was usually called a “safe house” and it was a secret to keep all the moms, kids and helpers free from worry.

When I parked-several women greeted us and kept thanking us for all we were doing. They helped us bring in all “the goodies”. They were amazed that we were giving them so much.

At that moment, I really wished I had been able to give more.

They say victims of domestic abuse come in all shapes and sizes, yet have some very distinct commonalities characteristic of being in an abusive relationship.

Batterers, on the other hand, come in two very distinct breeds. What are they?

Two Kinds of Batterers:

There are those that bully in a crude and sloppy way, and those that bully in a slick and contrived way.

The more crude bully displays intermittent explosive behavior from his/her narcissistic vantage point. Whereas, the slick bully displays a more sociopathic, yet narcissistic pattern of behavior with respect to his/her victim.

Each is potentially dangerous in their own way. And each recognizable by the way in which they control their victims. In a study in the 80’s, the late psychologist Guttman pointed out that the more crude bully showed an increase in heart rate as he strikes. And the slick bully evidenced a lowering of arousal at the point of attack.

This distinction is central to Guttman’s classifying the former batterer as a pit bull and the latter as a cobra. Each approaches their victim in their own unique style. The pit bull  crude and the cobra slick.

The Importance of Understanding Domestic Abuse Dynamics

It is often confusing from the outside looking in to even image that these two very distinct batterers are indeed both abusers. Their differences add to one’s confusion in understanding “battering.” And further in identifying dangerously abusive relationships.

If you are in an abusive relationship and find yourself scratching your head wondering if this is indeed a bully across the table, seek to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships in general. As you do, you will recognize abusers come in two distinct types, yet have characteristics in common that define intimate partner abusers.

Physical abuse is a very touchy subject for many women. Many women experience it, but none deserve it. It is a senseless and heartless act, and is a sign of a true coward. Women are already faced with the day to day challenges of being a woman and to have added pressure from a careless figure of a man is totally unnecessary. But one of the main reasons many men hit women is because many women allow it to happen.

You will always hear of some sort of abuse on the news, on the internet, or from someone you know. It is a very hurtful thing to know that a man has hit someone you care about so deeply. It’s even more hurtful when that woman accepts it and keeps allowing it to happen.

There are many excuses men use to justify hitting women, but none of them are legitimate. Some would even go as far as saying, “That’s how I was brought up. That’s all I saw in my household, so this is normal.” This is not normal; it’s a mental sickness that needs to be rectified.

When a woman meets someone new, she can’t tell if he is an abusive person, but as time progress, he will eventually show signs. He will become controlling and possessive; he will start trying to control her day-to-day life. He will want to know her every location, how long was she there, who did she see, and who did she meet. He will control what she wears and who she goes out with. He will eventually isolate her, and sometimes to the point where she can’t even see her family. He isolates her so she can become dependant on him. When this starts to happen, she needs to either end the relationship before it gets physical, or voice her concerns, expectations, and solutions.

If a woman allows this, the verbal abuse will start. In time, it may turn physical. Now she has a psycho on her hands. She is scared and don’t know how to get out of the abusive relationship. He will make comments such as, “I hit you because I love you,” “I’m sorry! You made me mad,” or “It won’t happen again.” Believe me, it will happen again! It starts to get worse when the woman starts to conform and it becomes her way of life. Now she is defending him and making up lies and excuses to those around her. But what she fails to realize is that this needs to stop while her loved ones can look at her instead of over her.

When a man hits a woman, it gives him a measurement of his control. He is not treating her with respect. Instead of her being his equal, she allows him to place himself above her while she becomes the peasant. And the only reason why this happens is because those women allow it. Truth be told, a man wouldn’t want someone hitting his daughter, so he shouldn’t hit someone else’s.

Bottom line, men should not hit women and women shouldn’t let them. Women can get all the advice in the world, but they are going to stay until they are ready to leave. Until that happens, these men are going to continue to treat them like the peasants that they think they are. So, women… if you don’t want to be hit by a man, don’t let him.

An abusive relationship can involve physical blows or forced sexual acts. In addition, it can exist in the form of psychological abuse, damaging the self esteem or confidence of a person. Victims are often being controlled, and feel trapped in such an abusive relationship. This applies not only to women, but to men as well.

It is advisable to end an abusive relationship and move on, to avoid further destruction.

Realize that you have a choice. There are many nice singles out there, and do not waste time on a person who is unworthy of your love. You deserve to be treated well, and do not believe the threats of the abuser. Break free from such an abusive relationship, as you need to love yourself.

Do not make excuses for the person who treats you this way, such as “We have been together for so long”, “I can change him or her”, “I am afraid to lose him or her”. Do not cling on to such excuses. Think about losing your self-esteem if you continue to stay in an abusive relationship. It is wise to end the relationship, instead of hoping that some miracle will happen. There will be someone who will love you in a better way.

Get support from friends and family, to stay away from such abusive relationships. If you still experience difficulty, you can seek professional help, giving you the power and ability to get over the relationship.

Treat yourself better, and do not blame yourself. You have just met someone who is not suitable for you. Love yourself and build your self-esteem.

You may have heard a story about domestic violence, been a victim yourself or just don’t understand why women stay, whatever your reason for being interested in Domestic Violence Awareness, you are at least making an attempt to educate yourself and possibly help someone else and that’s all anyone who once was a victim and those who are now deceased would want, but for those people who want to do more, the following are tips to help you get started.

First, conduct research about domestic violence. You should be able to answer some of the why, how, when, what, and who questions related to the subject. Also, read about others’ plights. Even though many of the stories have similar patterns, there is always something new in each that may stimulate thoughts of ” I never knew that.”

Second, be sure that you are sincerely empathetic and not judgmental about those who have been in violent relationships. You will know if you have resolved your own issues about women who stay, by how you react when listening to their stories. If you find that you are pushing down negative feelings and trying hard to refrain from making harsh comments, then it would be best that you don’t attend any events or visit places where people are sharing their traumatic ordeals until you can get a command over your own feelings. The last thing that any victim or survivor wants is another person telling them “how stupid” he or she is for staying.

Third, conduct research in your community of existing events about domestic violence awareness. Are there any groups hosting a vigil for the deceased? What about workshops and seminars? Are there any advertisements, public service announcements, fliers, or some other literature readily available and widely seen in your neighborhood to call attention to the problem.

Fourth, find out from local police how they respond to domestic violence calls and what you should do if you hear or witness someone being abused.

Fifth, create a list of ways you may be able to let people know about domestic violence. You may want to distribute information and trinkets with a hotline number and/or create a fund-raiser and give the proceeds to a local women’s shelter. Take out ad space in your local newspaper. If you are affiliated with a church, find out how leadership handles domestic violence cases and offer to speak about the issue. You can also work with schools and local colleges to appear as a guest speaker.

Sixth, pen your experience in a form of a book or record your story on audio. Let people know how you overcame your own situation. Then offer your book or audio to individuals or organizations who might be interested in your subject matter. A local theater may be interested in performing your life story in play form.

Lastly, be a good listener. Know what to say and how to say it when someone shares details of their life. Be ready to provide advice. You can obtain information from any women’s shelter or simply type in “domestic violence” along with your state’s name in your search engine window. A list of organizations are already established with free information to help you.

If you are a teenager and you are not sure about if you are in an abusive relationship with a boy or a girl, these few signs are aimed at helping you in seeing a clearer picture.

Hurt you Physically

If the person who you are in a relationship with physically hurts you (and there is no exception to this rule) this is called physical abuse. If he occasionally pushes you into the lockers or the wall, or if she slaps you in the face, especially when she is upset about something, this is, abuse.

Threaten to Hurt you

If your boyfriend threatens to hurt you or himself, something is wrong. Sometimes he may say, “If you leave me, I am going to kill myself,” or, “if you leave me, I’m going to kill you, because I love you so much and if I can’t have you, no one else will.” This may sound romantic, but I hope it doesn’t, because it is not.

On the other hand, he may threaten to or may attempt to run you over with his car and if this is your situation, please do not ignore it, seek out some help.

Speaks Terribly to and about you

If your girlfriend or boyfriend is consistently belittling you and hurting your feelings both in private and or in public, you are being emotionally abuse.

Controls your Life

The abuser in your relationship will seek to control your life and usually, this will begin very subtly. So subtly, that in the beginning you may not think anything much about it. Then, before you know it, you are no longer making decisions for yourself but instead you are asking the abuser to make the choices for you. Choices just to mention a few, such as what to wear, where to go and who to talk with.

There are no reasons as to why a teenager should remain in an abusive relationship.

Institutionalizing battered women in psychiatric hospitals is as old as prostitution. It’s an effective way to silence and discredit them.

In My Own Practice

I remember a case over 20 years ago in my own practice of a patient referred by a social worker for a stress-related neuromuscular disorder. The referring social worker informed me that the young man’s birth mother was a schizophrenic who had been institutionalized when he was around five years old.

In my diagnostic interview with the patient, I was struck by the fact that it was very clear to me that this young man had distinct, authentic memories of his mother’s involvement in his formative years. His recollections revealed their apparent bonding.

Following the evaluation, as I was writing my interpretive report, I kept saying to myself, “Schizophrenic mothers don’t bond with their babies. There must be something wrong here.”

So I called the social worker and asked how she knew of the patient’s mother being diagnosed with schizophrenia. And she said, “It said so in the court papers.”

That was my first encounter with legal psychiatric abuse. It changed me on a level that took me years to fully appreciate. I remember vowing to myself that I’d never be involved in fraudulent psychological conduct.

In My Own Life

My next encounter with this tradition was close to home. Roughly 12 years ago, I witnessed the custody evaluator in my own divorce seeking to back me into some psychopathology of my ex-husband’s choosing.

In the doctors frustration, he declared, “You’re not cooperating.” And I thought, “You’re right…you are not going to use me to fabricate something that I’m not. Fortunately, his report revealed no findings of any psychopathology with respect to me.

Epidemic Plaguing Battered Women

Now fast forward to today. In more cases that come to me than not, I’m asked to help someone facing institutionalization or fabricated psychopathology by a disgruntled controlling partner as part of their divorce.

When I see what this threat does to these women, I’m disgusted by the actions of those carrying out my profession in violation of these patients. Giving the benefit of the doubt to those involved, I’m assuming some mental health providers do this knowingly and some inadvertently.

It is my hope by addressing this issue publicly that more psychologists and psychiatrists will be mindful of these ploys that entrap battered women everyday. It is estimated that 95% of battered women going through the domestic abuse shelter resources will be labeled with some psychopathology in their route to safety from domestic violence.