Relationships Articles

One of the best gifts that you can give your soul mate is a healthy self esteem. When you are truly comfortable in your own skin and know who you are and where you are going you will really have something to offer someone else. No one wants to end up with a ‘leech’, a person who can’t really function without constant affirmation to build up their self esteem.

Once upon a time I believed that this topic was only relevant to females but the more life I live the more I discover that males have the same self esteem issues but deal with them in a different way!

In Nathaniel Brandon’s description of self esteem he states “self-esteem as a basic human need, i.e., ‘…it makes an essential contribution to the life process’, “…is indispensable to normal and healthy self-development, and has a value for survival.” Maslow described two kinds of self esteem needs, the “need for respect from others and the need for self-respect.” Without self esteem the individual feels discouraged weak and inferior. Do you have a healthy self esteem? Do you draw your self esteem from an external sources that may cause you to crumble when they do? Where do you draw your self worth from?

This idea of self esteem ties in with our basic core need for acceptance and value. We desire to be accepted by others and to be valued for what we do and who we are. It is very dangerous when a person’s self esteem primarily comes from what they do and from what people think of them. When we compare ourselves to the glam models we see in magazines or to the sporting heroes on our television sets we will never measure up to what the world seems to value and accept as popular.

Self esteem is the opinion you have of yourself.

In order to become comfortable in your own skin you need to build your self esteem and understand that you are valuable just as you are. Building self esteem is a step towards happiness in life. The fact that we are here on earth and have been created to live a purposeful life is of value. We can’t always rely on others to validate us. Sometimes we need to take responsibility for boosting our own self confidence. Self esteem increases your confidence which in turn boosts your self respect. When we respect ourselves we can respect others and improve our soulmate relationships.

Low self esteem causes depression, unhappiness, insecurity and poor confidence which all have a negative effect on our soulmate relationships. When we listen to negative ’self talk’ it impacts on our ability to focus on others in life and causes us to be consumed with ourselves. Choose to focus on the successes in our lives and learn from the failure, don’t befriend it and use it as an excuse to do nothing.

Being comfortable in your own skin and having a healthy self esteem is one of the greatest gifts you can give your soul mate. If you are confident and comfortable with who you are you will attract that into your life.

Fact #1: Certain topics of discussion proceed more smoothly with a little planning– especially sensitive and emotional topics.

Fact #2: When it comes to your marriage or relationship, you’re likely to overlook Fact #1.

Permit me to make the following assumption: When you’re at your place of business, you give special attention to how you speak to others. Am I correct? You’d probably never dream of telling your boss he looks like hell one morning, even if he straggles in late, with his shirt untucked and his eyes red-rimmed.

Tact, sensitivity, and effective communication are the hallmarks to nurturing your business relationships. Let’s face it, you probably wouldn’t have a job for very long if you didn’t make the effort to control your emotional reactions and choose your words wisely with coworkers and bosses. Don’t take my word for it-if you’re in the mood to be unemployed, the next time your boss frustrates you, wave your fist at him/her and say, “Don’t you dare speak to me in that tone of voice! I’d rather work for Papa Smurf.”

Fact #3: The tact you employ at work doesn’t automatically transfer to your marriage.

Are you more likely to “be yourself” when you’re with your partner? You know, let go of all those pretenses you carry around on the job. It’s important to have a sense of freedom and not have to worry about being “on” all the time, and your partner can only get to know the real you if you drop the mask you need to wear in other areas of your life. However, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consciously strive to be a sensitive and compassionate partner.

Monitoring every nuance of how you communicate is unrealistic and unnecessary. But what about bringing home a few of the skills you use at work? If it would make your relationship stronger and your partner happier, would it be worth it to you? If so, you may find these tips helpful, especially when discussing sensitive and highly emotional issues (since these are the times we’re most vulnerable and therefore most likely to be hurt).

5 Tips for discussing sensitive issues with your partner:

1. Think about the points you’d like to make beforehand.

Ask yourself: What is my goal and what would I like to accomplish?

Picture your desired outcome and use this as a reference point to help you stay focused.

2. Examine your motives.

Be honest with yourself about why you feel it is important for your partner to hear this message. Are your motives selfish, fueled by anger, or will your message benefit the greater good of the relationship? Sorting this out before attempting a sensitive conversation can help you avoid pitfalls that can sink your attempts to communicate.

3. Rehearsal goes a long way.

When you have a clear picture in mind about the points you’d like to communicate, rehearse what you want to say. You can practice in front of a mirror or with a supportive friend. Imagine you’re having the actual discussion and anticipate your partner’s reactions. Edit out all accusatory and critical language.

4. Listen to yourself.

To really improve your conversation skills, tape your side of the conversation and listen to it several times.

Listening to yourself can give you a clearer picture of your communication style and an idea of where improvements are needed-you’ll be surprised what you can learn with this method. Imagine how your partner will react as you listen to the tape.

5. Plan to stay on topic.

Topic-jumping causes confusion and defensiveness. It usually occurs when emotions run high and feelings are hurt. If your partner brings up another issue to make his/her point, acknowledge his/her feelings and then tactfully go back to the issue you’re trying to work out.

These tips can go a long way in improving your effectiveness as a communicator when you have some time to plan for a sensitive discussion. Being part of an intimate relationship means having to deal with conflict and intense feelings. To prevent these conversations from spiraling out of control, it will be important to have a strategy and the skills handy to help you get through these high-intensity conversations. After all, isn’t you marriage worth the same effort you put into your relationships at work?

Golds appreciate prudence. Prudent people know how to conduct themselves with good judgment, common sense, and even caution, especially in practical matters.

And just to be clear, Prudence, along with Temperance, Chastity, Modesty — these are more than just your great-great grandmothers’ names. To a Gold, each of these is the name of a virtue that implies discretion, restraint, conservation, and forbearance.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. — Henry de Bracton

One way Golds show prudence is to be prepared, just like the Girl and Boy Scouts. The easiest way to do this is to save a little, reserve something, hide something away for a rainy day. It’s not so much that they’re pessimistic prophets of doom–they just want to be prepared in case setbacks and unfortunate events occur. They tend to agree with Robert Burns that “the best laid schemes of mice and men often go askew.”

Consequently, Golds will spend considerable effort anticipating problems and forming backup plans. For example, they often begin making their retirement plans while in their twenties, or start college funds for their children the day each child is born.

Another way they practice prudence is to avoid the kind of excessive, loud, extreme actions and attitudes that would lead to spending all that one has, drinking or eating to excess, driving too fast. “Wanton waste makes woeful want,” is a rallying cry to Golds. Toning down gestures, actions, even the volume with which one speaks, are Gold hallmarks of refinement.

Do you want to learn how to talk dirty to your boyfriend? Pay close attention I’m going to share a few tips with you that will send him over the moon.

The first tip is the timing you don’t just blurt out some dirty talk at the wrong time. If you are driving down the highway in a snowstorm talking dirty to your boyfriend is more likely to get you injured or killed than produce an amazing sexual experience.

Whispering the naughty things you’d like to do to him when he’s in the middle of a poker game may get you out of there in a hurry but chances are if you messed up in the middle of his game you won’t be getting any attention or sex that evening!

Make sure your boyfriend is relaxed and in a playful or at best a good mood before you start talking dirty to him. If he’s had a bad day at work or is tired you’re wasting your time and may just make him mad. Give him time to unwind and talk about his bad day if he wants to, knowing that you are listening shows that you care. This may change his mood completely then talking dirty to your boyfriend may turn the whole evening around.

The second tip to talking dirty to your boyfriend is in the appropriate place such as the bedroom. You don’t want to get him all riled up early in the evening to only let him down once he arrive back at home. All too often this happen a few too many drinks, a pounding headache or any unexpected event can kill the mood instantly and all your talking dirty was a waste of time and energy.

In other words wait to set the mood with your dirty talk so you can follow through with it. There is teasing and then there is letting him down. You always want to be able to follow through with the dirty talk.

These simple tips will ensure you have amazing sex with your boyfriend and most importantly no one is disappointed.

Spicing it up! Here are some tips to help you spice up and save your marriage. Please enjoy reading them.

1. I wonder when some of us are surprised our spouses last? If you don’t do something creative, your marriage will lack the freshness it had from the onset. You don’t have to wait till it’s your husband’s birthday or your wedding anniversary before you do the ‘unexpected’. Do something nice, not just for the person you love but to whom you married to.

2. While sex shouldn’t be the only reason why we get married, we can’t deny its significance in a marriage. I don’t think a married man should be ashamed of talking about a new position he would want them to try out. A wife shouldn’t be scared to tell her husband she has not climaxed. Sit down and talk about it. It helps a lot. A couple that doesn’t have sex are killing and putting a distance between themselves gradually and that could be drastic.

3. Can you imagine how pleased your wife would be if she found a love note from you in her purse while looking for her? Boy, you just won yourself another fantastic meal and night. How do you think your husband would feel if you reassured him of your love by leaving him a lovely poem, hand-written by you in his shoes? These and other ‘little’ things are what add excitement and spice into your marriage.

4. When the light of your marriage is fading out, then something should be done quickly. You could take a vacation together without the children to where you have both always wanted to go or you could re-visit the place you first met or where you had your first date and relieve those memories. Just do something to bring back the light of romance in your marriage.

Ciao!

An Article on Forgiveness

Forgiveness, we all need it, at one point or another in our lives. We need to be forgiven because we are not perfect. We hurt other people, and often unintentionally. Sometimes we only become aware of the damage our careless words have caused, after we’ve uttered them. Then we need to be forgiven, and it always feels good to know that you have been forgiven, released and nothing is held against you.

It feels good to be on the receiving end of forgiveness, yet we sometimes struggle to forgive others when they’ve hurt us and treated us badly. Sometimes we struggle with forgiveness because we don’t know how to forgive. When doing research for my book “The ultimate human need,” I came across an interesting book that did research on forgiveness, written by Everett Worthington.

They had two groups of people that had been wronged and were struggling with forgiveness. The first group was told to forgive for their own sanity, because bearing unforgiveness in one’s heart makes one bitter, critical and hateful. The Bible teaches that bitterness defiles the soul and that hate is a sin; in fact it puts the sin of hate in the same category as the sin of murder. Unforgiveness has very serious repercussions. So, this first group forgave with ease for their own sakes, to avoid defiling their own hearts.

The second group was encouraged to see things from their perpetrator’s point of view, to think what they were thinking and feel what they were feeling when they committed these crimes against them. This is a difficult thing to do, especially when you are still hurting badly. It goes without saying that this second group had a much harder time to forgive; in fact it took them eight times as long as the other group, to come to a point where they decided to forgive.

Two weeks later when the two groups were recalled, the first group that forgave with ease, had declined in their resolve to forgive. The second group that had struggled to forgive still held on to their resolve. The difference? The one group forgave for their own sake, for selfish reasons, so to speak. The focus of their decision to forgive was themselves. The other group gave an altruistic gift of forgiveness; they felt the perpetrators pain and empathized with them. Their focus was more on the perpetrators than on themselves, and they replaced negative emotions of resentment, bitterness and hate with empathy. This clearly shows that forgiveness is emotional replacement and that it is an altruistic gift to the perpetrators, whether they have asked to be forgiven or not.

The researcher and his team, came up with a 5-step forgiveness program, which they gave the acronym REACH. The first step is to recall the hurt, acknowledge the hurt, do not deny that you have been hurt. But, do not dwell on your victimization. Rumination is at the heart of unforgiveness. Refuse to let your mind dwell on the offense. The mistake we make is to dwell too long on the offense, play and rewind it over and over in our minds. It does not help at all to do this; it only keeps the wound fresh and open. Acknowledge the hurt, but do not dwell on the pain.

Then see things from the other person’s point of view. To forgive, try to feel what they were going through when they were committing what they did, feel their own pain. Try to identify with the pressures that made them to hurt you. Be in their shoes for a while, so to speak. Empathy is the key step in forgiving. There are three levels of empathy. The first level is when you understand the other’s point of view, the second level is when you feel with and think with the other person. The third and final level is when you feel compassion for your offender, you feel different about the person that wronged you.

When you empathize with the other person, especially the third level of having compassion for the other person, you cannot but drop the matter against them. That is you give the unselfish, altruistic gift of forgiveness, whether they have apologized or not.

Then commit publicly to forgive. Verbalize your decision to forgive to someone; to the perpetrator or to a friend.

Then hold on to forgiveness. Do not ruminate on the hurt. Do not see the perpetrator as a personification of evil. Do not think that they deliberately went out of their way to get you and ruin you. Develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. When we lose our power to forgive, we lose our ability to love.

We are gifted with this life so it really matters how to spend this life ecstatically and productively. Every one of us makes some relationships with different people whom we meet during our whole life. In this article we are going to tag the most common relationships which everyone tends to make throughout their life.

The first of them that I would discuss is activity partner. This relationship is quiet commonly seen today as the people who remain on the go, try to have a companion for their ethical encouragement as well as support. These are usually your gym, jogging or workplace partners who play a role as your motivator or competitor to help you fabricate your full strength.

Then a character, we often hear every now and then, is a friend. People make friends some for their own pleasure and some due to mutual understanding with others. If you feel lonely at some time and want to share some words or pass your time, a friend can be a good option. Some people want to live life more joyously so they need friends with benefits. Such people make friends for sexual reasons because they don’t like being committed.

Traveling is an important part of one’s life. When we travel we stay at different places and that’s when we create some short term relations. It can be a room mate or it could also be any person of that certain locality. In such kind of relationships, people don’t live together for a long period but remain committed in some sense.

Now this is I call some serious stuff, a long term relationship, which has some fascination. It depends upon emotional values and this is the time when people realize being in love. A long term relationship changes their lives up side down and it even ends up with their marriages.

At last, when it comes to relationship, the best you can get is a wife and a husband’s relationship. This relationship is also the most sensitive of all, yet strong one too. In this relationship, you decide just to spend your life together with your partner.

I advise everyone to always make good relations that can be everlasting for everyone in this world.

Ok, so at this point you know a little more about how to talk dirty. You know what turns you on and what your partner likes as well. But I have to caution you that there are two sides to dirty talk. As well as knowing just what to say to get things going you need to know what “not to say” so you don’t ruin the mood. Dirty talk is one of the most erotic things you can master with regards to your love life and relationships. But you’ll need to follow the two examples below so that you don’t ruin a good time.

Dirty Talk What Not To Say Example One: Never talk about your period or any kind of bodily processes. If you man understands you cycle great, if not don’t go there. Also if you eat something at dinner that didn’t agree with you don’t bring it up in bed. Take a break from the action until your stomach calms down or you feel more in the mood.

Dirty Talk What Not To Say Example Two: Do not mention household chores, pets or the time. If you forgot to pay the gas bill now is not the best time to bring it up. Also if Fido is barking or scratching to get in it is OK to leave him outside. Nothing ruins the moment like stopping to let a pet in. This only show’s your man that your pet is more important than he is. And lastly don’t express it “being too late” or that you are in a rush. This is also a major deal breaker when it comes to dirty talk.

Dirty talk is one of the best things you can do for a relationship. If you practice it and know what to say and what not to say you will be well on your way to talking dirty like the pros.

Relationships can be very complicated. The meshing of the complexities of two human beings can be overwhelmingly complex. Have you noticed the volumes of relationship books at Barnes & Noble? But one simple thing can make all the difference…being the best that you can be. Being a Superhero.

When we were children, we imagined only the best for ourselves. We couldn’t wait to grow up and be firemen, astronauts, doctors, actors/singers or even the President. We were always looking forward to a future where we were powerful and courageous. We never thought of ourselves as lesser people and if we did, the “future” would take care of that. When I was a kid I never remember my friends saying: “I want to be miserable” or “I want to be a cocaine addict…stripper…a criminal or work in a stressful, thankless job.” We wanted to be Superheros. Why can children see the potential of all they can be? And why as adults can we not?

The stress of growing up can destroy our hopes, dreams and abilities to see the full potential of ourselves, I know. You can’t just tell your boss “Shove it” if you have not pursued more education. Financial limitations, abusive parents, conditioned fears, accumulated guilt and less than stellar growing environments are just a small part of why we have trouble seeing our greater powers. But in your relationships with others, you have a choice. You choose to get to know someone better. You choose to date, have sex and fall in love. Relationships are freeing. They are far more liberating than almost any other aspect of your life. If there is no other place in your life where you can tap into the hidden dreams, hopes and potential of all that you can be, then relationships are a good place to start. Giving someone the very best of yourself will all but guarantee a successful relationship.

Make the choice to look within yourself for the Superhero. When you stand bold, proud and strong, the love you share with another person will move mountains. Be the epitome of “that someone very special” and you will be rewarded. And go back and read some of those old comic books…the Superhero always wins…

Ladies, fess up. Do you regularly orgasm through intercourse with your partner? If not, why is that? Female libido is something that tends to be overlooked in the medical field. We’re told that if we can’t orgasm, it must be our fault in some way. We’re often told that we “think too much.” The truth is that if you’re not reaching climax during intimate moments, there could be a mountain of reasons why. Let’s explore some common reasons that women have difficulty reaching orgasm, and how to counteract or eliminate those factors.

Insufficient Foreplay

If a woman has not been adequately aroused through foreplay, achieving orgasm can be difficult. Intercourse itself could be painful. Be honest with your partner and tell him what’s working for you and what is not. Don’t worry too much about sounding “demanding” or high-strung.” Sex isn’t just for men. Expect to spend several minutes in foreplay at first.

Technique

Men, any women will tell you that stopping your movement, even just for a moment, can’t make orgasm almost impossible to achieve. Think of it this way: if a man stops his movement for a second, he can easily pick up where he left off and climax. That’s not always the case with women. Some women will appreciate the variability in technique, but often women have to work themselves back up into the highly aroused state of mind. Unless a man has great stamina, by the time women are highly aroused again, the man is already finished. Maintaining a constant pace, at first, can help your woman achieve orgasm.

Increasing female libido can be a curious thing, but it’s certainly not rocket science. Ladies, make sure you are in an aroused state before attempting intercourse. Another great way to increase female libido is use gels that are designed to increase blood flow and sensitivity. The effects of these gels are usually noticed in minutes and experienced for 1 to 2 hours after the initial application.