Relationships Articles

Are you looking for the secret key to winning you husband back? Has he left or is he thinking about leaving or filing for a divorce? There are lots of techniques you can employ but the place to start is by changing what you have the most control over what is this one thing? Surprisingly it is yourself.

It can be tough to look in the mirror when the faults of your husband are so obvious. When you feel neglected, taken advantage of, or used the first thought to cross your mind is generally not “I wonder what part I play in this broker relationship?” Or “I wonder what he would change about me if he could?”

While these often are really hard questions to ask and sometime even harder to act upon remember that as you look in the mirror you are looking at the one area you have the most control over. You may not be able to control how he looks at other women, spends money, or when he comes home, but you have all the control in the world over the way you respond to him, the way you communicate, and the way you show respect. It really is all you can do in many cases and can be the number one key to winning back your husband.

Often times as one spouse changes for the better the other one will take notice and will often feel motivated to change as well. If suddenly they are met with kindness it can be increasingly difficult to respond with hostility. These simple things that you have control over can be the very things that he responds to and the very things that could be used to save your marriage.

If only everybody had a perfect marriage. But to let you in on a little secret there is no such thing as “happily ever after”. That could be why so many marriages go down the drain, because one or the other, or maybe even both, might think it is as the say in fairy tales. Don’t get discouraged, just because there is no such thing as ‘happily ever after’, doesn’t mean that you can’t have a good successful marriage. Now with knowing that you won’t always be happy every single day that you are married, like it tells in the fairytale books, you will now know that you have to actually work to keep your marriage going. Also not every marriage can be saved, but it is worth trying to save your marriage. Marriages are a blessing and of course they are going to take work. Now with knows that you have to work at your marriage here are a couple things to help you go in the right direction with your marriage.

5 steps to get your marriage working towards the right direction:

1. Communication is very vital in a marriage; you and your spouse should always communicate with each other whatever it is. When you have a problem instead of talking to friends or family about it, first you should talk to your spouse. Always listen to each other.

2. Intimacy, even though it’s not the most important thing in a marriage, but it is important to be intement with your spouse.

3. Share your interests with your spouse and make sure your spouse shares there interests with you, even if you are not that interested in each other hobbies. It will let you look into what your spouse likes and why they like what they do.

4. Make sure that you and your spouse feel comfortable around each other. Meaning that you should be able to lounge around the house with your spouse in sweatpants and a t-shirt. It also means for us women that we don’t need to wear make-up 24/7 around our spouses. Let your spouse see the real you.

5. Trust and honesty are very key things for a successful marriage. You should always trust and be honest with each other.

Below are 7 marriage problem solving tips that will help you get your marriage back on track. These problems range from sex life issues to holding in all of your thoughts and blocking out your mate. Lets get started with the list below.

Spend More Time Together

Without quality time alone you both are bound to grow apart from each other. You need to make sure you spend time with your mate at least twice a week for 1 hour a day. You should bring this up to your mate in a quiet manner, maybe saying something along the lines of “you know, I was thinking the other day, we should really set a time aside where we can spend some time together. I know we both have been busy lately but this is getting old. We never have any alone time like we use to.”

What About Sex?

Well this can be an issue for any couple, especially older couples. So your husband wants sex but you do not? How do you deal with this issue without your husband thinking he’s the problem? If your a male or a female it makes no difference, everyone is built differently and have different desires. You need to talk it out and see how both of you feel about the situation. You should try to add a little spice in your life and do things without thinking about it. This is a big issue that needs to be worked out, so you both need to talk and work through this issue.

Holding Things In

Out of all the marriage problem solving tips, this may be the most important one. You should not hold any of your feelings in no matter what the situation is. I mean let’s be honest here, if you cannot be honest with your husband or wife then who can you be honest with in this world? Having a marriage is all about building trust, and this is something that should exist between both of you.

I Want To Know More

If you want to find out other ways to improve your marriage you can simply head over to my blog in my bio box below for more information. I hope these marriage problem solving tips have helped you, and I wish you good luck!

More and more marriages are finding themselves in a relationship long distance. Long distance relationships result in other obstacles in addition to the usual marriage ’stuff’. Just trying to cultivate a stable marriage for most marriages is thorny enough. One of the main challenges is dealing with the domestic dynamics that fundamentally transform due to one spouse leaving the home.

Obliterating The Normal

Household dynamics are entirely disrupted with the beginning of a long distance relationship. While one partner leaves the nest, usually for work-related reasons, the other partner is left “holding the bag” with all the household duties. With the hectic tempo of our society, managing a household even with two adults presents plenty of obstacles. Imposing that on just one individual can be really, really hard.

Kids are undoubtedly impacted when mom or dad is no longer at home as much as they have been in the past. Just because they may not appear like they are impacted, recognize that your kid’s universes have also been rocked by the household disturbance. This can only strengthen the tension level the stay-at-home partner is experiencing. It’s important to try to have serenity with your kids and appreciate that they are not as mature in comprehending how to cope with the new setup.

Actions To Alleviate The Strain

The husband or wife who is away ought to double up on understanding and at a minimum convey a recognition of the additional weight that is now left on the one who is left at home. Notes, cards, or phone calls expressing your appreciation make a big impact in displaying compassion for a tricky situation. Volunteering to help in directing the children, while you are away, is not only a great boost, but in addition demonstrates a willingness to pitch in despite being far away.

Additionally, be geared up to take on added chores if you arrive back home. At a minimum, make certain you talk about your partner’s needs when you finally return home. Traveling is arduous as well, so clear discussion on expectations is vital for those precious weekend days.

Beware of Resentment

The ‘non-traveling’ spouse needs to defend against resentment, and stay honest about his/her feelings, but without nagging. If you don’t think your spouse is appreciating you for the additional chores you’ve inherited, you need to be wise in how you communicate it. Continually mentioning how challenging the scenario is for you will likely only alienate your spouse.

Every marriage tends to lose the intense romance with which it started out. In order to keep your marriage fixed on a no divorce path, the tips below are a must read.

1. Wrong Perception.

The perspective you choose when looking at the events in your marriage matters a lot. Couples lose their bearing because of wrong perception about such an essential part of their live - marriage. Wrong perception could turn you into a victim of ignorance and you must pay for it. There is no excuse for ignorance. Set your perception right and your marriage will live. Don’t try to fix your spouse when problem pops up. Remember, fixing your spouse will not fix the problem.

2. Dealing with conflict.

It is natural for couples to feel hurt, disappointed and discouraged during conflict. Conflict in itself is not wrong but it must be kept under control. Dealing with conflict can be a marvellous way to build intimacy and trust. It has been observed that one of the most constructive ways to deal with conflict is silence. You can choose to remain silent during conflict and say what is on your mind later and more calmly when your spouse calms down. You must also learn to control your tongue if you want to keep conflict constructive so that it builds closeness rather than distance. Recognise that each of you own at least some part of the fault in any conflict and be ready to admit yours.

3. Unforgiving.

Do you find yourself struggling to forgive your spouse? This may be as a result of not knowing the true nature of forgiveness. Forgiving does not mean absence of hurt emotion. Forgiveness is a decision that you have to make. You forgive when you deliberately decide not to let your spouse suffer for the suffering brought upon you by his or her action or inaction. This is the beginning of the process of healing the wounds. Failure to forgive prolongs the pain and will eventually hurt your marriage.

The lesson above does not come cheap. The cost is your determination and commitment to make your marriage work. These points among other will definitely keep your marriage on a no divorce path.

I get a lot of emails from people who are in a panic that their spouse is going to (or wants to) move out. Other than actually getting served with divorce papers, this is the scenario which strikes the most fear into your heart. It’s completely understandable to think that them moving out is the beginning of the end of the marriage. And, it’s normal to worry that once your spouse moves out, you’ll no longer have access to them to work things out, or that they’ll start seeing other people, or worse, that they’ll actually like being on their own.

Many of the folks who write me want a concrete plan to keep their spouse home. There are several things that can work, but they often don’t feel intuitive and they require a leap of faith, confidence, and a quiet calm. But, they very often work if you pull them off correctly. I’ll describe them in the following article (and also tell you the strategies and tactics to avoid because they just don’t work and only push your spouse further away.)

What Not To Do When You Try To Convince Your Spouse Not To Move Out: Before I tell you the things that you should do, I’d like to first cover what you absolutely should not do. The problem with these little mistakes is that they feel like the right thing to do at the time. Emotions run high and cause you to feel like you absolutely must have a resolution right away. And, so often you will act first and think later. It’s so important that you get control over this cycle because it will force you to do things that not only will you regret, it’s also quite common that your spouse will continue to limit his access to you because of this behavior. So, don’t give ultimatums. Don’t tell your spouse that they are mistaken or wrong. Don’t try to make them feel guilty or sorry for you. Don’t use your children as a bargaining tool or make threats. In short, don’t participate in any behaviors that are going to paint you in a not so flattering light.

Obviously, if you want to save your marriage, you’re going to need for your spouse to change his opinion of you from negative to positive. And piling on negative emotions or actions is only going to swing the pendulum into negative territory. So, change course and concentrate on only positive behaviors that are going to make him spend more time with you, not less.

Agreeing And Offering An Alternative To Moving Out (Your Spouse Can Have Their Space Without Actually Leaving): The first thing that you’re going to need to do is to validate your spouse. The worst mistake that you can make is to imply or flat out say that they are wrong or that they are misinterpreting the situation. This puts you on opposite sides, which is definitely not where you want to be. So, you need to agree that the marriage is not going well, is flawed, and needs to change drastically for both of your sakes. Agree that you both deserve happiness and fulfillment. Agree that a break may put things in perspective and give you the distance that you need. However, propose that the distance occurs without your spouse actually moving out.

Alternatives are suggesting that he stay with friends or family for a while, that he bunk in another room of your home, or that you make yourself scarce (and possibly stay with friends) for a short period of time. I understand that none of these options may seem appealing right now, but they work because you’re offering to help him get what he wants, but you’re stalling his actually moving out. Of course, when he takes you up on this, you have to make good on your promise to give him his space. Don’t cross the line and bombard him with pleas to save the marriage or to resolve things immediately. Sometimes, distance and time is actually a good thing because it eases the tension, puts things in perspective, and allows him the time to miss you.

Putting Your Best Foot Forward During The Break: No matter whether he moves out or not, you’ll need to make some changes in how you are being perceived. Obviously, if he wants to move out, he sees you in a negative rather than positive light right now. You need to change this as quickly as you can. The whole idea here is for him to realize that his perception, and his reaction to it, are absolutely wrong.

So, you’ll need to take an honest look at the qualities he loves most about you and make sure that he knows that you still have them. If he loves your sense of humor, then you need to amplify it right now. If intimacy has gone astray, you need to show him that you still value, understand, and appreciate him. He needs to be able to see that the two people who fell in love are still players in this game, that he doesn’t have to go it alone, and that he’s better off with you than without you.

I know that this can seem like a tall order when you’re so far apart or when he’s no longer accessible. But, understand that there will come a time when you the two of you will communicate, and when that happens, you want to appear to be the light hearted, happy, busy, open, and confident person that you are. You’re showing him a woman who wants to save her marriage, but who has enough self worth to keep doing the things that make her happy and better. Of course, that includes him and you’re trying your best to bring him back into the loop, but you aren’t exhibiting negative behaviors and you aren’t playing games to manipulate him, only so you can go back to the broken things that are dissatisfying to you both. No, you’re taking the high road and conducting yourself with grace and you’re confident that the space apart will allow him to see that he misses these things and you.

Trust is one of the most important factors in a marriage. It can be quite difficult to sustain a marriage when a husband and wife do not trust each other. Couples will be more likely to quarrel and have difficulties getting intimate when they have doubts about each other. Most of the time, it is either infidelity, jealousy or bad experience from the previous relationship. How are you going to rebuild trust in a marriage?

Be truthful at all times
Couples should never lie to each other even if it is a small issue. You will make your relationship worse especially when your spouse is already losing trust in the marriage. Do not try covering up with excuses such as working late because it is not going to favor you in any situation if you are being caught lying.

Never be unfaithful
Nobody can stand their spouse to cheat on them. Infidelity can cause a couple to split. You can never afford to have an affair if you want to rebuild trust in a marriage, so never be unfaithful.

Keep your promises
It can be very tiring to tell a person to change his or her ways every time. If you have given promises, make sure you do it. You can lose the trust in your marriage if your spouse is very disappointed with you.

Communication
Learn to communicate well with your spouse. Do not try to pinpoint any mistakes when you are trying to rebuild trust in your marriage. Share good and bad news with your spouse. Let your spouse know that you respect him or her, seek their opinions about things related to you.

There are always ways to rebuild trust in a marriage. It is just parts and parcels of the marriage to meet problems. With a little trick to turn the situation around, you can actually Save Your Marriage.

Are all marriages happy, healthy? I would have to say no. And it is really too bad because marriage can be such a wonderful blessing. Yet so few people know what it is like to be in a happy marriage. Why is that? Who really knows? Marriage isn’t easy that’s for sure. Things change, times change, people change, for one reason or another, it happens. Unfortunately, when people change, it can have a negative effect on the relationship. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy in your marriage.

Life comes at you so fast that you hardly have time for yourself. You have work, the house, possibly kids, family, friends, etc. etc. etc. When you get so caught up in all the stuff that is going on around you the first thing to be neglected is your marriage.  Next thing you know you are fighting about work, the house, the kids, your family and friends. Things begin to spiral out of control and you are left in a place that is unfamiliar and you feel stressed, anxious, frustrated, helpless and unhappy.

If this sounds like your life, relax, there is hope. With the right advice and guidance, things in your marriage can change for the better. I don’t really think that people actually change their ways. I think it is more like they learn to approach situations in different way and begin to see things from a different perspective.   In order for that to happen, you may need to seek an outside source.  Now I know what you are thinking…there is no way we are going to therapy! All I can tell you is this, if you really love your spouse and really want your marriage to last and you have exhausted all other resources then maybe it’s time to seek outside help. 

I know, not everyone is open to therapy. Traditional therapy can really turn some people off. But there are so many alternatives to traditional therapy. Now you can get counseling for anything, on line. Seriously, they have on line counseling for everything and anything under the sun. You can have a live chat with a counselor, a video session or even a telephone session. Some on line therapy programs don’t require you to talk to anyone. They have books, e-books, CD’s, and DVD’s you can order as well as downloads that you can listen to on your iPod at your own convenience. These methods are effective because they do not feel as threatening or invasive as a traditional therapy session would.  

I bet the problem you may have is that your spouse doesn’t think they need therapy therefore want no part of it. If that is the case, that doesn’t mean that you have to dismiss it. Go on line and do some research. Gather information about on line counseling. Go ahead and order an e-book or a DVD. Take a look and a listen and see if maybe you can learn some methods and techniques that can help strengthen your relationship. It may be quite humbling when you realize that your spouse isn’t the only one who needs to make a few changes. By you learning new skills and techniques on how to handle certain situations in your relationship that causes problems you can approach your spouse on a different level and possibly get a different response from him. You’d be surprised to see what a big difference a small change can make. So don’t waste any more time being depressed, sad, angry, or resentful. Get the love back in your marriage, you can do it, you deserve it!

For more information about on line couples counseling, self help e-books and or DVD’s , the following website will contain information that you will find quite helpful. 

http://www.YourMarriageFitness.com/l.html

Marriage partners so often drift from being close to being room mates. It is not an intentional or fast journey, it just sort of sneaks up on people.

A useful analogy is what happens when you put a frog into a pot of boiling water. The frog will do the best it can to get out. But if you put a frog into a pot of room temperature water and slowly turn up the heat, by the time the frog tries to get out, it is cooked.

This is much like what happens in the room mate marriage.

Signs of a Room Mate Marriage

• The closeness they once felt is gone
• The passion they once felt is gone
• Their is an unease that goes unspoken most of the time
• They each have their separate interests and separate lives

Many room mate couples look like this - the man has had his “affair” with work and career, and the woman has had her “affair” with the kids and the couple becomes virtually strangers to each other.

What to Do

The trip back from room mates to soul mates is intentional and takes conscious attention. The trip is a decision that is made at the beginning of the journey, and then needs to be remade on a daily, sometimes hourly basis.

Let’s talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called “the inner marriage.” The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with ourself. We need a strong inner marriage of love, appreciation, understanding and respect for our self in order to experience the serenity, joy, and connection attainable in an outer marriage.

The Spring of Marriage is when matrimony begins. We are often young and overflowing with boundless excitement, optimism and desire. We start this first phase believing - unconsciously - that our partner is here to save our life and fulfill every expectation we ever dreamed possible. We are full of projections. In this early stage of development we rarely see the essence of the man or woman before us because we are so blinded by the light of the mythological god or goddess who blocks our view. We take our wedding vows, “Please heal me of every pain and love me forever.” Well, we didn’t say that but that’s what most of us thought. It’s a young and hopeful dream. We are in love and often madly so.

The Summer of Marriage is when we often bring children into the world. These precious little ones fill our lives with love, fun, pressure and (ugh!) adult responsibility. As the children grow, husbands and wives may argue that the spouse is not who we thought they were! We may even wonder if we are who we thought we were. Enter the mid-life crisis. It can be a stressful time of struggle.

Later in this phase of the marriage cycle children will fly away from the carefully constructed family nest and into their brand new lives, just as their mother and father did. Husbands and wives now begin to surrender and let them go, albeit a little sadly. It’s an emotionally healthy and necessary choice. “Sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the days” go the words from Fiddler on the Roof. No wonder that song makes so many couples cry.

Then we look around. It’s so quiet. The voice of Spirit whispers, “Something needs to change.” We think the something is our mate. “If only he…, if only she …,” Eventually we recognize it is not our mate but we who must change. We begin to understand that the inner marriage is of monumental importance. We commit to know ourself again. This commitment provides immediate insurance not just for us but for our couple relationship. It feels good. Understanding this inner marriage also makes boundaries clear, “I stop here and you start here.” Sometimes people are fearful that introspection might separate them. It could, but at least it’s honest.

When we work to connect the inner marriage with our outer marriage we begin to appreciate the real glory in our spouse. We also begin to see the first authentic wrinkles of responsibility for our own life, too, and we begin to grow up. Of course, sometimes it doesn’t all work out and couples do separate permanently. But if that should occur at least each party has the satisfaction of knowing who he or she is and can apply it non-defensively for the good of the children and grandchildren involved. Not every relationship was made in heaven.

The Autumn of Marriage is about transition. We watch our children raising their children. We graciously step back and let them live their own lives. We give them space when they need it. We throw our arms around the joy our grandchildren bring and pitch in whenever we can help. Watching our families grow is so full of wonder we want everyone to stop growing! But respecting time’s natural rhythm - especially when feeling astonished - helps us move right along with the changing tides as we consider what we want to do with our life now. Some want the pleasure of work, some the pleasure of play, and some want a combination. Being open to every new idea will see us through. That is key, keep it fresh.

The Winter of Marriage is when we enter into the final season of marriage with another or with ourself alone for death or choice or fate may have put us there. So we pray for everyone’s good health. We are reflective and thoughtful. We live in our souls more. We recognize and give thanks for all the important moments in our life and for those we’ve met along the way who have helped us to transform, evolve and grow. We look forward to any final gifts of grace this season will provide. We reach for our partner’s hand or put our hand over our heart to touch the symbolic hand of our inner partner. We read Yeats. We read Rilke. We smile. We pray. We make Every Day Matter.