Relationships Articles

I get loads of emails every week asking a variety of dating related questions. These questions run the gamut from how to meet more people to what to do on a first date to how to get someone in bed to how to handle a rocky relationship that’s on its last legs.  I would divide the questions into three categories:

1. How to meet

2. How to attract

3. How to stay happy in an existing relationship

In this article, I will focus on step 1- how to meet the right person. As mentioned in a previous article, the success of a relationship is highly correlated to whether or not the two people are a good fit in the first place. As a result, the most important thing you can do to have a good relationship is to find the right person FOR YOU. That’s not easy, in fact it can be very hard. But I’ll give you some pointers here to help you along the way.

First, you need to approach dating in much the same way as a salesperson approaches prospecting. In other words you need to have a methodical, systematic active approach to finding a mate. Never leave your love life to chance. The number reason most people are not getting dates is because they are not being active enough. In the case of men, they are not approaching or contacting enough women. In the case of women, they are not being seen publicly enough or making themselves available enough.

As any good prospector, you need to be mindful of the numbers. These include total number of prospects and conversion. When I was single, I always kept track of every interaction and every date.  I kept tabs on how many dates progressed to a second date and if not, why.  The important thing to remember is you need to have a clear idea of what you’re looking for and stick to those qualifications. All of this may sound very mercenary, but if you don’t take control of your love life, no one will.

Here are the most important steps to remember while prospecting for a mate:

1. Set quantifiable goals- i.e. meeting 10 new people a week or two a day or whatever. You need to set realistic goals that you can stick to in order to be able to meet the raw number of people that it’ll take to find the right partner.

2. Be aware of your funnel- in other words, know how many approaches lead to phone numbers and how many numbers lead to dates and how many dates lead to a second date or intimacy, or whatever else you are looking to measure. Actually keep track of this and have your percentages handy. This will allow you to understand where you are encountering "sticking points", or areas that you need to put some extra effort into. For example, if you find that you are meeting many people, but not getting dates, perhaps you need to work on your social skills and conversational rapport. If you are getting dates, but they always fizzle out, focus on what is happening on your dates to create this. All great marketers are aware of all of their metrics so that they know exactly what is getting results and what isn’t.

3. Qualify your dates. This is ESSENTIAL. You never want to go into your dating interactions overly preoccupied or worried about making a good impression. Instead focus on whether you’re date is making a good impression on YOU and whether or not he/she fulfills your standards. Ask many open ended questions and make the date spontaneous and fun, but always qualify to see whether or not you want to see them again. This will put you in the proper frame of mind where you are more relaxed and confident because it is not you who is being judged on the date.

It’s a never ending process. You actively sift through "leads", that may turn into "prospects" (dates), which in turn you may close. In order to be successful, you need to keep sifting through more and more leads on a weekly basis to find the right prospects. The actual "closing" process is part of the attraction phase, which is out of the scope of this article. The important thing to remember is to be active, aggressive and methodical in your dating life if you are looking to find an outstanding partner and companion.

Good luck.

Leave a Reply